Serilda

Chapter 11

Serilda

The clear lake came into view making tears escape my eyes. Aaron squeezed my hand knowing what was coming. He had been the one who knew the real me. It was through his help that I had dug me out of the misery I was mine. Every day made me want to kill myself but he eased my pain. He stayed with me in my pain, trying to make me smile and bring me back to life.

"It's time for us to go," Aaron told me. I didn't even realize the car had come to a halt. I slid away from his hold settling on the car seat looking at the lake with a longing. I haven't had the courage to come here alone because I had promised Aaron that I would never die on him, never kill myself. Every time I thought about coming here I had this thought in my mind where I wanted to drown in the lake with open eyes and die in the hopes of meeting my baby.  I had this longing inside me to do that so that I could do that. It hurt every time I thought about the baby I lost, made me come undone all over again. The gust of wind touching my skin made me realize that the car door to my side was opened. Aaron bent down to my level looking at me with pity and sadness swirling in my eyes. 

"Come on," His voice so gentle that it made me feel like I was a baby. He gave me his hand and with shaking fingers I held it. It was him who pulled me out of the car gently and made me walk to the lake with his hand entwined in mine. We stood near the lake in silence until tear brimmed in my eyes and they came quick. Aaron held me while I cried.

"I miss my baby, Aaron." I looked into the depths of the lake in hopes of finding all those things I had washed away in there. Aaron was the one who had made me let go of all this related to my little joy of bundle, helped me in pushing all the memories related to the baby drown in the lake. The small baby clothes, my blood-soaked clothes, the ultrasounds and everything that reminded me of it. 

"I know gra," (Gra means love in Irish) He told holding me tight. "It would stop one day, Serilda. One day you would be able to survive this day without tears in your eyes and maybe that day you won't even need me. It will take time but until then I will be there for you until I can be."  

"Please don't ever leave me, Aaron. Never leave me when I need you. Please just be with me." I pleaded looking up at him getting lost in his eyes.

"I won't leave you, gra, but you need to leave him. I can't see you suffering like this on the hands of others. Come with me, be with me and I promise to never leave you again." His eyes never wavering away from mine. His words had deeper meanings. Rather than pushing him away like all other times in the past, I gave him a weak nod.

"Soon Aaron, just give me some months and then I will be with you if you would still want me. Please wait for me." I pleaded. He closed his eyes at my word.

"It's hard for me to wait, Serilda." He said with cold eyes. I caressed his cheek feeling him flustered under my touch.

"Please give me some few months and  I promise Aaron. I will come back to you and for you when I would be fine. You are the only one I have in this world." His eyes fluttered open and looked into mine. We stood there staring at each other for so long that it felt like we were both who we were to each other all over again. Then he reaches down and cups my cheek, then kisses my forehead, the casual brush of his lips sending shivers down my entire body like an electric shock like every other time it did.

"I will wait for you, Serilda because you are the only one I think are worth living for." He pulled me into him and turned to face the lake while my eyes were set on him. My heart flustered with each of his words. Only he could make me feel like this. Turning away I faced the lake and prayed that my lost bundle of joy would have found a place where he would have got more love than I could give.