Serilda

Chapter 20

Serilda

The buzzing of my phone woke me up from my morning sleep. I looked at the time and noon was up the head. It had been long since I have slept in late like this. Maybe the ease of mind that things were going my way was the reason behind it. For so long I had wanted to take my revenge and see the demise of my elder sister that nothing really seemed to help me sleep. It was like I craved for her tears and downfall. I needed it more than the air I breathe.

I looked at the phone and Nathaniel's name flashed brightly.

Why was he calling? It was a question which I didn't have the answer to. Sliding the screen I answered the call.

"Hey," my voice was on the cheerful side.

"Evelyn," the gravely voice of Nathaniel with a hint of sad tone greeted me from the other side.

"It's hard after what happened," he breathed out slowly like he was hurting the same way I was. Could it be?

"I ruined us, didn't I?" Tears welled in my eyes involuntarily. It felt like I was losing him as if we were having a breakup but we didn't have any relationship. We didn't have anything, to begin with. It was just me playing him then why did it hurt so much. Why did it felt like my world was being ripped apart? I wasn't in love with him.

I love Aaron. I reminded myself. However, it felt like I was trying to reassure myself that I did love him. Was it possible to fall for two people at once? Because I knew I was in love with Nathaniel. It was wrong but at the same time, it felt right. How could it make sense? How could it be possible? I felt a guilt inside of me that I was having these thoughts when I had Aaron. I felt like the cheating wife. I was committed to Aaron in a bond bigger than marriage and was leaning towards Nathaniel for something I didn't know.

"You didn't. I can't see you again. It will be hard for me," I cried silently as he said those words.

"I did it again, didn't I? Ruined something so good," my lips trembled as I spoke those words.

"Evelyn, you didn't," Nathaniel said quickly. "It's just complicated. You didn't ruin us but I'm. I'm getting married and I just don't want to do something that could hurt her," I could hear the guilt in his voice as he said the word her.

Why did everyone care about only her? Why? How was she so goddamn important for all? I wanted to scream out these questions and have answers for them. What makes her so better than me?

"And what I feel doesn't matter right?" I questioned. "Does my heart doesn't have feelings? Am I not meant for something good, for just something small as your friendship even? Is it so hard to let me have something I could cherish, Nathaniel?"

"Evelyn," he breathed my name like a prayer. "It's not like that. You deserve better than this than anyone else but I just can't be that someone for you. I had already chosen the life I want to lead and it's with my fiancee,"

"You can choose her, Nathaniel but just don't let me go. Don't take away the only person I can rely on from my life. Just don't leave me stranded," I pleaded.

"God, I don't want to but if I meet you one more time, I would fall for you, Evelyn." His made my breath halt. "You don't know how lovable you are. You are like that desire that can never be fulfilled. First time I talked to you I was drawn to you, there was this connection between us which pulled me to you and I couldn't stop myself. I looked so forward to meeting you that I didn't mind neglecting my fiancee for you. Every time you opened a part of yourself to me I felt good like I was this special for you. Many come and go leaving behind their sad story and complications with me but with you, it didn't feel like that. It felt like I was a part of you." I could feel his pain, his guilt, regret and that bit of what he really felt for me.