Serilda

Chapter 40

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Serilda

He wasn't the man I had left behind. I didn't see the man that I had spent three years with. This wasn't the sadistic person who had brought tears and misery in my life. He looked nothing like that.

Could you feel someone else without touching them? Because I could.

No longer could I feel anger and disgust in those eyes. There wasn't loathing that pours out in waves out of him. I felt the guilt in those eyes now. Regret weighing down his body. An emotion swirled in them as he stood there gazing at me. The emotion that I had once desired for but no longer wanted to see in anyone's eyes other than my husband.

Love..

He looked at me with love in those eyes. A longing in them but I never wanted it ever again. Never from him. Never from other people.

It felt like everything was coming full circle. Now we were once again where we were. Apart from each other but now it was him left with the longing when I had someone whom I loved with my everything.

Our dynamics have changed. I wasn't no longing chase him, no longer left with hurt by his actions by his affairs. Nothing about him hindered my feelings. In reality, it was that he had turned out to be but nothing my past and that was the end of it all. Every memory I remembered was just pain with him. Tears and misery were what had he given me. Turning my head towards the window and saw Aaron, On the other side, was a man who had given me everything I had wanted, desired, and needed. Both were bonded by blood but so different from one another.

As I looked at him and then at Aaron I couldn't understand what had happened with me to think of making my marriage work with Erik. Why did I try to love this man? Was I desperate for love? Was it the loneliness? Maybe it was the trauma of the flash marriage or the hard-rigid thoughts infiltered in my mind by Amelia. My mother had made me a puppet of her hands. In the light of freedom and love now I could see the reality all clear. Years of brainwashing, harshness, and loneliness had infiltered my mind with nothing but feeling like a victim. Something I had carried along with me I thought I could get revenge. Twenty-five years of my life I had spent in a prison of my own mind and others belief. Only when I was soaked in real love and freedom, I could understand how I could have changed things for me. What ifs had swirled in my mind. The possibilities of all I could have done, of how I could have escaped the horrible parts of my marriage, how I could have gained help, how things could have been better if I wouldn't have stayed.

But the scrutiny of the judging of eyes of society and the brainwashing by my own blood had led me to stay for an image that was already tarnished.

I was a fool, stupid and an idiot that I couldn't escape everything when the time was I could.

I could have had love, freedom, and everything but I couldn't.

All because sometimes the belief ingrained in you from the starts to eat you from within, digging roots so deeper that one waste's so much time when they could have lived as they desired.

But would I have known what I desired was?

I was dealt with a rough hand maybe because of the beliefs I held dear or by the society I was trying to cope with.

It was hard turns and rough thorns filling my life making me broken but now I'm golden.

Only because some people made me see the truth.

Erik's gaze went to the same place as mine.

My past looked at my future.

Just in a span of few months things changed drastically.