Meet Me on Thames Street • All Time Low

Chapter Eighteen • Jack •

                                                                *Jack*
I was pissed drunk. The room was spinning and I couldn’t stand up straight. I had sworn to Alex, Marianne, and myself that I wasn’t going to drink so much anymore, but I failed yet again. I was so afraid of what might happen if I didn’t stop; the time I got so drunk I had to get my stomach pumped, I was told if I didn’t stop then I could easily become a full-fledged alcoholic. I knew I needed to stop, and it scared me.

Everyone was still mourning and frankly, it was kind of depressing. Marianne, Carly, and Holly were barely speaking and no one knew how to make things better. Rian had Cassadee with him while Alex and Zack were too head over heels for their girls. Don’t get me wrong, I was too but the temptation to go out was always there and I’m not strong enough on my own to stay away.

“Jack,” Marianne called softly. I turned quickly – too quickly – to see her in my double vision. I had to grab onto the chair next to me so I didn’t collapse right then and there. Fuck.
We were the only two in the room for some unknown reason and that only made things worse.

“Why?” she asked, her voice breaking along with a piece of my heart. I did it, I hurt her again.

“I don’t know,” I whispered, still trying to focus on one of her. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re always sorry. I’ve tried to help you over and over, and you promised me! You promised you wouldn’t let it happen again! And look who lied again,” she spat with tears streaming down her face.

“I’m trying, okay. Do you know how hard it is to be on the road constantly, to be surrounded by nothing but fake people? Do you go months without being home, without seeing your family? Do you get criticized for every little thing you do or say? Do you have lies made up about you and people you apparently sleep with? No. You don’t have any clue what it’s like to be in my shoes. No one does! I drink to escape it all; it makes me forget. I just want to forget.” Knowing I hurt her made me sober up a bit and I was surprised at the words pouring from my mouth.

“Jack, I-”

“Save it. I wouldn’t expect for you to understand and I’m just a bad person. I contaminate everyone around me and I don’t deserve to be happy. I already know this.” I was frustrated, still drunk enough to feel woozy, and making myself feel worse by the second.

“No you’re not, Jack. You’re not a bad person; in fact, you’re one of the best people I know! And you do deserve to be happy. What you don’t deserve is the shit that everyone gives you. Those bastards that have nothing better to do than make up stories about you need to check themselves. You’re sweet, funny, caring, and passionate. You notice things most others don’t, and you put up with so much shit. But you don’t stand up for yourself when you should and it’s not going to get any better if you don’t do anything to help yourself.” Marianne was still crying, and all I could do was stand there. I heard what she said but I wasn’t sober enough to understand it.

“Marianne, just go.” I said tiredly. All I wanted to do was sleep and she was making the headache that was forming even worse.

“No, I’m not leaving you.” She said, determined.

“Just leave! I don’t need you here, I don’t need anyone. I’ve always been fine on my own, why wouldn’t I be now?” I wasn’t even sure if I was making any sense.

“You’re not fine. You need someone; we all do. It may not be me that you need, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry that I care so much about you that I’m not going to leave you alone to wallow in self-pity. Now go to bed.” Her tears had finally dried – no thanks to me, and she was becoming more confident by the second. And she cared about me. ME. I’d never had anyone except the band and my family to actually care. I felt like such a dick – all she wanted to do was make sure I was okay. She just wanted to take care of me. Care.