Complicated Like That

Paradox

"I love her. I think she's the one."  He said bubbling with excitement.

"I'm so happy for you."  She said.

Not a trace of emotion in her eyes as she stared at him, dismissing her heart that suddenly fell behind - as lost as the "I'm madly in love with you"  hanging in the air as the harsh reality settled in. He loves someone else.

Moments later she walks into her room, she feels like an atlas with the world sitting on her shoulders. She blinks a few times before finally closing her eyes and embracing the darkness, not really though, more like embracing the creatures the darkness reaps. She frowns. She wanted to fist his shirt in her small hands, let out a shaky breath as tears stream down her face and softly say, "I can't lose you too ..." and pull him close as he says, "You won't lose me, never ever." But she couldn't. Because as much as she wished, hoped and prayed, she couldn't be selfish - not to him at least. For him, she could endure the pain and torture. She did so much for him already. She has dedicated so much time and put in so much effort. She has been there for him whenever it felt like the world came crashing down. She has been good to him. Why? Because when you look at someone and realise that you would go to any lengths to make them happy, it becomes very easy to put them before yourself and that is exactly what she did. She gave him utmost priority. He was so important to her and no matter how much she told him, only she knew how much she meant it.

Her mind trails to the time the two of them sat on her bed, laughing at some stupid mistake they both made. Her lips curve and when she looks up to meet her own dull, pain-stricken eyes, she realised the ocean was pouring out of her eyes. He is happy with someone else. Her eyes move. The Devil smirks. "Well of course he loves someone else, look at you. You're so pathetic."

Her eyes travel, concentrated like a critic, scrutinizing every single fibre that slips underneath her gaze. She looks at the fray hairs that rebel against gravity, they could never behave even on the best of days. Moving downwards, the dark circles under her eyes catch her attention "as dark as my soul."  Flashbacks to all the nights she tossed and turned came flooding back, she couldn't sleep no matter how hard she tried, it just hurt too much. Her eyes explore her skin more, on her right cheek, a deep scar resides, her love for animals hasn't decreased despite her hatred for that deep gash that tainted her cheek. Brief echoes of the nicknames she was once bullied by surfaced. She swallowed as the echoes got louder, high pitched, harsh. Her chapped lips parted as she remembered the way his lips once met hers, she remembered the way her world exploded as they collided and moved in complete synchronisation. Each crevice she passes becomes her new validation. The Devil didn't need to convince her, she knew, she really was pathetic.

Why would he ever fall for her? I mean, all she ever did was give him her everything. She didn't have anything else to offer. She loves him so much that she's okay with him loving and being with another girl. Isn't that just tragic? She puts all the effort into being his friend, oh and believe me, he didn't make it easy, in fact it was hell and everyday she went to hell and back proving herself worthy of him. She was just so careful not to hurt him. She tried so hard to understand him but he wouldn't let her. He already deemed her as not good enough for him to love, he left no chance for her to prove herself and even after all the time, effort and energy, he simply falls for some girl who is "a perfect 10", so perfect she makes him stutter and by God, have you ever heard of him stuttering? No! He doesn't stutter in fact no girl has held his interest for longer than a few seconds, he's detached. This girl just shows up and his whole world is turned inside out. She's making him feel something.

The Devil sits back, ready to watch the massacre that lies ahead. She lets the breath she subconsciously held go. A loud sigh or maybe a gasp bounces off the walls of her room. This is it. She clutches her chest. She tried so fucking hard. She loved him the way people dreamt of being loved - the way people were supposed to be loved. And he just falls for a girl who barely knows him - someone that he believes is perfect for him while she bundles herself in duvets, trying to mimic the body heat of another so she can fool herself into thinking that she's crying in the arms of someone who's going to hold her so tight, it doesn't hurt anymore.