semi-automatic | joshler

21. confessing

notes:

a huge thank you to everybody who said such kind words under my last short note update. i didn't expect anybody to read it, but turned out i was wrong. i really appreciate you guys and it's you i write for. ♥️

warning: slight mention of blood at the beginning.

whenever you are too sensitive to any kind of content and feel a need to skip a few paragraphs, go ahead and write a comment afterwards so i can shortly summarize the part you skipped, leaving the triggering content.

grab your tissues and let's go.

Don't start the song until the next note. Thank you. :)

•

Tonight everything feels a little bit off, especially when Tyler gets closer and closer to the garage that might be his second home at this point.

He doesn't know, why he's feeling odd; maybe it's a guilt towards himself, a regret of doing something that he shouldn't have done, even though he didn't do anything bad, but his feet aren't obedient and always lead him in the same direction.

It will be fine, he convinces himself. Why am I even overreacting?

Everything happened after, or even still during the party, that he has started feeling conflicted and overwhelmed by what was currently happening around him. He shouldn't feel that way. Everything was fine, right? He was at the party with Brendon and everything went how it should've gone. He didn't drink any of the gross drinks, he wasn't forced to do anything, Brendon was only being nice. So what's it all about?

He doesn't know. He has no idea at all.

As the time goes by, however, he only realizes, that he starts being more and more like a playing card in front of the others. And it's not like it's Brendon, or Josh's fault. It's his own. He always brings up the worst scenario to life, even though he has more choices. He should finally leave it in the past and act like nothing ever happened, but this is not that easy. And he feels guilty.

He couldn't distinguish Josh's face expression yesterday, when he arrived with Brendon at his place, and when they were leaving. He didn't know exactly how Josh reacted when he actually spoke to Brendon. He could not react at all, but at first he acted shocked and then he was laughing like it was the most normal thing in the world. Tyler doesn't know if that meant something to Josh, if he cares about it even a little bit as much as Tyler, but Tyler still feels like he should explain it to him.

So now he is standing in front of his house, not sure if he wants to take another step ahead or not.

The garage is lit up as always, giving Tyler clear directions to his destination, even though he already knows them by heart. He can see Josh inside, kneeling over some drawers near the entrance, looking for something. If he turned his head to the right, he could notice Tyler standing by the gate, but as long as Tyler isn't making any noise nor taking a step ahead, he's invisible.

It feels weird; that Tyler wants, really wants to come inside, but can't take a step ahead; Something is blocking him, so he can't move. He can't even step back and go back where he's come from.

Before he manages to turn his head and look at Josh again, he can hear a muffled scratching sound from somewhere inside, along with whispered, "Oh, for fuck's sake."