24 Letters ♢ 김남준

✉ 이십사 ✉

dear kim namjoon,

maybe, it's over now. waiting for you is all futile.

the tormenting pain is too much that i just want to die already. i've been waiting for you but i guess, all along, i was really waiting for nothing. i don't blame you, though. you have your own life too and wasting for someone like me is not worth of your time.

you walked into my life and taught me things nobody has ever taught me before. as seasons passed by like a blur, i eventually learned to love you. people around said it was just an obsession, that how can i say that it's love when i just always see you over the screen. but i know deeply in my heart that it's love. you can make me smile when you smile. you can make me sad when you're sad. you can make me cry when you cry. and you can make me happy when you're happy. you had a huge impact in my life. the happiness you gave me is priceless. i'm so thankful that i met you.

you've always been my dream from the very start.

but reality hits me hard without hesitation. you're an idol. i'm just your fan. and it fucking hurts me because i can't cross the line. i thought highly of myself that i forgot the difference between reality and fiction. you're the shining star in the galaxy that lights the path of other people but to you, i'm just a dust. i'm just plain. and i'm just a nobody. you can't even notice someone like me. there are many girls out there who's more prettier, sexier and interesting than me. i won't even stand a chance. everytime i would think of the future, seeing you with somebody else, tears would always accompany me. i love you. i love you so much that it hurts because you never knew.

but don't worry, i will always stay here for you. i will always love you just like what i told you. i will never break my promise to you. my illness will never be a hindrance for me to stop loving you.

so i just want to thank you. thank you for all the memories you have shared to me, for the happiness you have given me, and for the love you have planted in me. thank you for everything, kim namjoon. i will never forget you.

**this will be my last message for you. and i hope you got the hidden message in every letter.

forever and always yours,
kang nari