24 Letters ♢ 김남준

✉ 기말 시험 (final) ✉

kang nari is silently sitting on her bed, waiting for choi rim to arrive. she planned to ask her to go out on the rooftop to feel the fresh air.

she took a deep breath. a drop of tear fell.

she wiped it and tried to smile, as if everything's fine.

"i will live longer. i will," she whispered on herself as she feel the lump in her throat making it hard for her to speak. she remembered when the doctor told her that she will only lasts for only more or less than a week. it's her seventh day by now.

is she going to die today? tomorrow? the day after tomorrow? she's not really sure. but she's not scared to death anymore. she's willing to die now. what's the use of being scared if she's going to meet her utopia and will end her suffering?

she suddenly heard a gentle knock on the door. she straightened her sit and smiled. the door creaked as it open.

"eonni, let's go out. i want to feel the breeze of the season." she forced herself to sound enthusiastic to hide the weakness laced on her voice. "take me out to the rooftop, please?"

nari waited for the response of the nurse. but she received only silence.

"eonni. is that you?" she asked, feeling a bit anxious about who's the person that came in.

the defeaning silence grew louder. nari's heart is beating so fast against her chest. it's getting louder and louder as seconds passed by.

she heard the heavy footsteps of the stranger coming near her.

"who are you?" nari swallowed hard. "you're not miss choi rim. tell me, who you are."

"dear kang nari."

her breath halted. her heart felt like it stop.

the voice...

...his voice.

"how are you?"

tears started to fill the corner of her eyes until it streamed down on her cheeks. her heart starts beating loudly. her tongue as if tied like a knot couldn't utter a single word. she felt mixed emotions she couldn't name.

"i hope you're doing all fine."

his soothing voice filled her ears. it came as though a melody her ears just want to listen to forever.

nari felt her bed sink. he sat beside her.

"n-namjoon-ssi," she trembled.

"i'm sorry if my letter came so late. but here, i wrote one already."

he's reading his letter to her.

nari badly wanted to see him; his bright smile on his face; his eyes that were turning into slits; and his dimple that always appear when he grins.

despite of being baffle about the happenings, nari just sat there and seized the moment with him. she feels his strong presence beside her.

"first of all, i want to thank you. thank you for everything you had done for me, for the bts. thank for the support and love all throughout the years. i know a simple thank you and smile wouldn't be enough to show how gratitude i am to have you on our side. we're so lucky to have someone like you."

nari bit her lower lip as if doing so would help her stop from her uncontrollable sobbing. she cannot control it anymore. he's finally here - right beside her.

"i remember you always say that i wouldn't be able to read your letters. but you're wrong nari-ah. because i read every single of them... everyday. how you constantly send your letters, i always anticipate for it each day. it completed my day and brought smile despite of the exhaustion because of our packed schedule."

she smiled despite of tears. he had read them. each letter of her for him.

"but in your last letter, did you know that i cried? it hurts me. it hurts me that i made you feel that way."

his voice cracked.

her smiled disappeared.

"nari-ah..."

'what is it?' she wanted to ask, but her lips kept mum. no words are coming out.

"i'm so sorry. i'm sorry if i came so late. i'm sorry if i took so long to write this letter. i'm sorry for making you wait. but look, you didn't really wait for nothing. 'cause now... i'm here. i'm sorry if i broke your heart. i'm sorry if i hurt you while all you're just doing is to love me. i'm sorry if i'm making you feel insecure. i'm sorry if i wasn't able to show that we treasured you. you're not just our fan but you're the one who lighted our path towards our dream. you're not just a dust but a gem that is glimmering and glowing a light for us.

thank you. thank you for waiting for me. thank you for staying with me. thank you for still holding on. thank you for not letting go. thank you for loving me more than anyone else. the moments you shouted my name, sang our songs, and loved me, even though i failed to give it back. but remember, you will always have one, in a million places in my heart.

'my love for you takes eternal.'

it's the hidden message.

i hope in another lifetime, we'll meet again. not an idol and a fan, but just the normal ones with normal lives.

'til we meet again, kang nari. gratefully yours, kim namjoon."

she felt like an emotional wreck. she kept on sobbing. she kept on crying. she wanted to speak but her stupid tears always come first. what's wrong with her?

"uljimara..." he softly told her.

nari felt namjoon's thumb wiped her tears away.

"you're too beautiful to cry. you shouldn't cry. your tears shine like a diamond that shouldn't be wasted. alright?"

"is this a dream? i'm scared that i would wake up later and realize that this is just a dream. i'm so scared. i don't want to wake up anymore."

namjoon held her hands, it were shaking. somehow, feeling his palm on hers calms her.

"you're not. i'm here. i'm real. so don't be scared anymore."

he pulled her inside a hug. nari seemed so caught off guard. the feeling between his arms is the most comfortable feeling she ever felt. it's the real heaven.

"thank you, namjoon-ssi. thank you for granting my wish. thank you for being here," she managed to whimper.

namjoon nodded his head, his chin resting above nari's head. "you're welcome, nari-ah."

nari began to feel the heaviness of her eyes. the throbbing of her head is striking again.

"even though i can't see you, your picture will be always etch in my heart and mind. i will never forget you, namjoon-ssi."

she closed her eyes peacefully with a smile plastered across her lips.

"i love you namjoon... 'til we meet again."

-the end