Eventually (Klance)

chapter 11 // please come find me

trigger warning; mentions of rape :'(

(lances pov)

I woke up in my cell. Yesterday went by very quickly. As it turns out, Lotor isn't actually that bad. Misunderstood is all. I shifted and immediately regreted it.

My ass was sore as hell, but I didn't know why. I gasped as everything came back to me. How after we left the arena, Lotini dragged me into his room and pushed me against the wall.

How I yelled at him to stop, but alas, he continued. I looked down and tears fell as I looked at the several marks on my skin. He had thrown me on the bed. I had cried and begged him to stop, but he didn't listen.

It had hurt when he entered me. He didn't care for me at all. Lotor had used me for my body then thrown me back into the cell like I was nothing. At this point, that's what I felt like. Nothing. I couldn't even fend for myself.

Lotor had made me grow up before I had wanted to, before it was necessary. I hate him. I hate myself for letting it happen. Surely, there was something I could have done? I wiped my eyes, but that didn't stop the tears from falling.

I just want to go home. I want to run into my mamá's arms  and have her hold me. Actually, I don't even care if I can't return to Earth. I just want out of here. I want Keith. I stiffened at the thought of him.

Did he miss me? Is he trying to find me at this very moment? I hoped he missed me. I haven't been gone long, so, I hope he doesn't forget about me. I miss his warmth. The feeling of his lips on mine. His protection.

As much as I flirt and claim to be a "lady's man" I was still a virgin. I wanted to wait for the right person to give my virginity to. Keith was someone I was willing to give it away to. I knew he wouldn't take it.

Would Keith think I was disgusting? Of course I am. I am only 17 and not a virgin. I wanted to wait. Fresh tears flowed down my cheeks, and I tried wiping them away. He probably would want to leave me for Shiro now.

Now that my virginity was taken, what else can I give him? Shiro can goce him so many things I can not do. I have always been jealous of Shiro. He was smart, buff, and well- perfect.

The exact opposite of me.

I lay on my stomach since the pressure was too much for my ass at the moment. The throb was just another reminder of what happened, so I started crying again. My mamá would be so disappointed in me of sje could see me now.

Sitting in a cell. Half dressed. Filthy.

I saw a black pile and limped over to it. When I grabbed it, I realized it was my pants. Then, I was crying. Again. And you may be thinking, "LaNcE sToP cRyInG" but I couldn't stop.

Something so precious had been stolen from me! I slowly brought my hand to my inner thigh, gently pinching the sensitive skin. I pinched harder and harder until my nails drew blood. I didn't mind though.

Although it probably isn't a good one, pinching there had always been a habit of mine. Little cresent moon shaped scars littered the area. It was always comforting. Knowing the pain I felt wasn't just emotional.

I couldn't always control my feelings, and sometimes the pain was so sudden it felt as if it physically hurt. I could control this pain. For once in my life, I was in control. And not by default, either.

Later, it turned to cutting. Now I knew it wasn't a good thing, but I couldn't seem to stop himself. One minute I was sitting and wallowing, and then the next, I felt the old familiar sting.

wait a tick-

I used to cut his thighs. Looking down at the scars in his inner thighs made me sigh. When did I begin with my wrists? Oh yeah. When my family wanted me to start swimming. I liked swimming.

I flicked myself on the forehead. Cutting your wrists was dangerous! You got found out quicker that way! ¡Idiota!

I leaned against the wall again. I guess I really am just an attention whore.. I leaned my head back against the wall as more tears fell.

Keith, please come find me.

I cry. I in no way support rape! This is stricly for the story :(:( I couldn't even bring myself to actually write it.

Also,, a lil lil note for people who have been raped before: if this happens please tell someone. no matter what happens you will feel better. talk to someone, because it will come and bite you in the ass if you don't. even if they threaten you or say it "isn't a big deal" it. is. PLEASE TELL SOMEONE !!!