Space Oddity

Healing

So there En and Loki were, having recently taken Loki's firstborn under their metaphorical wing. En watched as the trickster became almost a totally different person around his child. He was kind, caring, and he was making sure that Sleipnir felt loved. The heartbreaking part about it was that Loki knew what it felt like to be abandoned, and he turned around and abandoned his kids too. En wanted to talk to Loki about it, but he wasn't sure what would happen if he mentioned it, so he kept his mouth shut. They'd retreated back to the bedroom, letting Loki have some time with his child.

"How, um, long ago did you have this kid?" En asked, curious, but also worried because the child was young. Part of him was jealous, hoping that Loki wasn't with someone else that he didn't know about.

"About one hundred years ago. Just a small amount of time for Asgardians, but it was quite a long time. I was much younger. More reckless." Loki admitted. That seemed to quell the Grandmaster's fears for the moment. Sleipnir was playing with a toy car on the floor that Loki assumed Thor provided. "I know this is a lot. I wouldn't blame you if you..." Loki trailed off, not wanting En to leave him, but knowing it would be selfish of him to ask En to stay now. En frowned a little, shaking his head.

"I don't want to leave you. I wouldn't ever want that." He murmured and looked at his boyfriend with a loving expression on his face. "Kid or no kid, you're still my trickster." En assured him and stole a kiss.

"I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, and I still do now. I don't want to make one now by leaving him out in the cold, figuratively speaking. He's like the equivalent of a four year old on Midgard. Hela and Fenrir.." He choked up a little when he mentioned them. "Time worked differently for them in Hel." Loki explained and En raised an eyebrow, looking at the child in front of them.

"He looks a lot like you, you know." En mused and Loki smiled softly.

"He does, doesn't he? Perks of being devastatingly handsome, I'm afraid." Loki teased playfully and En grinned, showing that cute little wry smirk that Loki loved. He actually worked actively to get En to grin more. Even though he was playfully joking around, he was simultaneously upset. Thor had brought up the one thing he wished his brother never said. 'I thought you'd be more upset about your children' echoed in his head, making him feel extremely guilty. Everything had happened so fast. He'd hoped to save Hela and Fenrir when he got to Asgard, but it was too late. Hela would listen to no one, and Fenrir was under her spell. He disliked being so angsty around En as well. It made him seem unstable, and he wanted everyone to believe that he had everything very much under control. Loki wanted to lash out, he wanted to break things and wreak havoc because of the loss of his children, but he had to keep it all inside. He glanced to En and then back to Sleipnir. Though he knew he probably should tell En the entire story, he didn't want the other to think of him as a horrible parent. Most of the time, Loki didn't give a shit what people thought whatsoever, but when it came to En, he did.

"Look, Thor was out of line when he said those things back there in front of everyone." En pointed out, looking at his trickster with a sympathetic expression. He was trying to get through all of the walls Loki had put up.

"No, he actually was not out of line at all," Loki spoke, rather detached, deciding to man up and tell En the truth. "I left them. Every single one of my kids. Once Sleipnir was born, I was afraid of what people would think of me. I was so selfish to be that way.. and my child had to suffer because of it. I can't help thinking that if I had stayed, I wouldn't have had to kill my daughter." At that part, Loki wanted to cry, but he kept it inside, trying to keep himself as far removed from the situation as possible. "They had to end up just like their father. I'm sorry, but I can't help feeling like I'll fuck this up too." En listened to him, not really familiar with that type of situation, but hearing Loki finally reveal a deep part of his soul made him feel vulnerable too.