Hold Me Back || Prinxiety

Chapter 1

(Virgil's POV)

Song - This is Gospel: Panic! At The Disco

It was a Sunday morning, Thomas's 'Do Nothing ' day, aka the day I usually get the worst of my panic attacks. See, doing nothing, not achieving anything at all, always makes me on edge. I used to constantly hang around Thomas, persuading him into working. That was until the abuse I got from Roman and Logic became much to handle. It was tearing me apart, literally and physically, at first ignorable, their words less impacting, and now... now their words would literally send me into a frenzy of uncontrolled panic. That's what started the... cutting. I hated them for stopping me from helping Thomas, and I hated myself for being unable to control my emotions. So, naturally, I despise Sundays, avoid anyone and everyone as long as I can. To avoid the disappointment and hate I would ultimately get from the other sides, I usually sit alone in my room.

Although I hate the absence of human company, I know it's for the best. The sheer volume of my silent panic attacks are usually able to be processed by Thomas, but as I'm in my room, the impact is far less desirable than I would like. Still, every Sunday, either Logan or Roman give me a quick lecture before Thomas wakes me up. Morality used to listen to me, but due to my anxiety being stronger than ever before, they don't allow him in my room. They don't want me to corrupt him.

I'm used to that, the boredom. The loneliness. I listen to music, not to calm, but to stimulate the 'nicer' feelings I'm seemingly unable to produce myself. Happiness. Excitement. Joy. I let the music fill my head, drown out my constant stifling thoughts that never end. Sundays are more manageable this way.

That was until Roman did something so typical of him. He turned off the power in the house in an attempt to stop my music. From what I can tell, the sides held a meeting in Logan's room, their objective to turn off my music. They decided that the only thing the music did was provide as a nuisance. Apparently, it made Roman lose track of his ideas, made Logic unable to focus, and Patton, he just wanted Christmas music to play instead. So the vote was unanimous; the music was to stop. As always, I wasn't invited to the meeting, just left to deal with the consequences. I wasn't there to explain that the music kept me from literally going into severe panic attacks, it kept the Anxiety at bay. It was my lifeline. I wasn't there to stop the decision that changed everything because the absence of my music made the ball start rolling; it made my thoughts louder, made them harder to ignore. Which, when you are literally the physical embodiment of anxiety, is never a good thing.