Hold Me Back || Prinxiety

Chapter 9

(Roman's POV)

My heart thudded in my chest as I navigated through Virgil's mind, each irregular thump sending new waves of nerves through my body. I'm never anxious, obviously, as that's usually Virgil's job; but being inside his mind makes me feel an echo of his emotions. So now, as I expected, I was indeed anxious, but I had never expected to feel so terrible. It was hard to focus - as if the sheer heaviness of the anxiety had wrapped around my every thought, twisting and manipulating them into a mess of uncertainty. As much as I tried to ignore it, as much as I knew it was caused by being in Virgil's mind, I couldn't get rid of its grip. With the voice of panic in the back of my mind, I continued up the stairs. Little did I know that the closer I got to Virgil the worse it would get.

"Up the stairs, Roman. You can do it." After the nerves came the detachment, the feeling of not being present in your own head. It was like I had no control over my body or my movements, and as I progressed up the stairs the more confusing and disorientating it became."Virgil needs you."  Vision lost in the turmoil that was my body, I entered the next stage of the anxiety. The isolation. In an instant, I lost all motivation to find Virgil. Wasn't it better for everyone without me? "The decision is up to you Roman. Are you going to let Virgil die?" I could barely make out Depressions words as they echoed through my head, mocking me. I can't let him die. Virgil needed me, and letting him down was not an option.

"I can't let him die, I can't let him die," I repeated those precious words in my head as I clambered up the stairs, letting them overpower the anxiety, give me strength. I could see the door to where I assumed he would be; so close yet so far. I know that the second I lose focus I will be lost the overwhelming power Virgil's anxiety has and my steps hasten. "Almost there"

With shaky hands and weak knees, I wrapped my hands around the doorknob, needing all my strength in my fatigued body to open the door. Oh God.

There he was, sitting in a pool of his own blood seeping through his wrist with his back against the wall. As eyes met eyes, one person collapsed to the floor as the other shakily rose. I'm so sorry was the thought that ran through both minds simultaneously.

Virgil stood above Roman, blood dripping on his jeans and pooling at his feet. As Roman remained collapsed on the floor, grief and anxiety met as one, leaving him struggling on the ground trying to take back his mind. He was completely overcome by the flood of thoughts that were controlling his brain. For he was sure that he was too late. Sure that Virgil had killed himself before he had a chance to stop him. He was too gone to realize the man he needed to help was kneeled at his side.

Virgil, although fatally injured, had his eyes shut in concentration. He knew that it was his anxiety that was corrupting Roman, so he knew he had to stop it. He focused on breathing, knowing it would calm him down in seconds. Roman's breath hitched as his mind cleared, and he was able to see Virgil infront of him, pale and shaking. "Virge!"

Virgil's knees collapsed under him and he leaned over Roman's shoulder, staining his white outfit with his blood. "This is for your own good, Princey. Depress-"

"Yes, he told us. I know what I'm doing." I replied softly.

Virgil's eyes flew up to meet the older mans, "Then you know that if I live he'll corrupt Thomas. Believe me, if Thomas get's depressed life for all of us would be terrible."

"I can't let you die," my voice cracked and I fiddled with his hair, "we'll sort it out. With Patton and Logan on our side, there's no way we'll let Depression get more powerful. Just trust me." I only hoped he believed me, even if I didn't believe myself.

"I'm sorry Princey, it's not worth the risk. I'm not worth the risk..."

"Yes. You are."

"Don't give me that bullshit Roman. You're only saying this because you feel sorry for me. But after today you don't need to worry about me. It's ok."

I can feel him fading, he's giving up. I need to give him a reason to stay. I need to man up and admit something to him and myself because if I don't Virgil will die.

"I'm not saying this because I feel sorry for you, Virge... I'm saying this because... I love you."

Our lips had barely touched before Depression appeared next to us.