Hold Me Back || Prinxiety

Chapter 7

(Roman's POV)

Song - Runaway: Aurora

I woke as soon as Virgil left the bed, but I decided to give him space. I don't even think he noticed me. I barely got any sleep last night, all I could think about was Virgil. I think he was having a nightmare, occasionally whimpering and moving. Mostly, however, he was snuggled into my back, another reason I couldn't get any sleep.

As soon as he woke, he threw up in the bathroom. But again, I decided to give him space, and instead quietly observed him from the bathroom door. I noticed his slow, instinctual movements as he cleaned up his vomit from the sink. I was torn between helping him and leaving him to himself, but something kept me rooted to my spot. The dread creeps over me like an icy chill as I watch Virgil, and in my frozen state, my mind offers only one thought, "Don't let Virgil know you're here."

I know that something is going to happen in the next few minutes, something that will change everything.

I can hear the clock on the wall clicking like a bomb, and like the events uncurling in front of me, I can do nothing to stop it. I can't reverse the ticks or slow them down. 

I watch, frozen and betrayed by my own shock as Virgil presses a razor to his wrist. I watch as the blood collects on the cold tiles, a red shimmering mirror of pain. I watch Virgil's face, usually unreadable, show emotions that I never expected. I could see his pure hatred of himself, which made my heart crumble. 

My words of horror and grief constrict in my throat, and my knees gave out below me. The fall goes by slow as if suspended. Then impact. My perception of time distorted, everything slowed down until there was nothing, nothing but Virgil. I wanted to hold him, to reach out and see those captivating eyes that haunted me in my dreams. But I couldn't. Although my throat is clear, my voice box normal, I just can't get the words out. The sight of someone so close to me actually cutting himse-

No. I can't even bring myself to think about it. I thought his Anxiety attacks were hard enough to deal with, but this? It just seems unfair. Although I pretend to hate him, Virgil is better than all of us other sides. He does so much for Thomas, and to think I never realized it before now...

I want to run. I do. That is something the old Roman would have done, but I know that after today I'll have to be there for Virgil. He needs to know that he is loved; even if he still hates me. Hands on the floor, I feel a thick, wet substance brush past my thumb, a trickle of red contrasting against the white tiles. It takes me a moment to realize it's Virgil's blood. That sight jolts me into action, and I look up and see Virgil's shaking form limp on the ground. Is he.. laughing? I inch my hands and feet forward on the ground, my white pants stained with the metallic, coppery, red substance. Unable or unwilling to form words, I rest my hand on his thin shoulder and his reaction is instant. He reluctantly turns his head around, eyes full of complete terror, as if expecting someone.

As he meets my eyes, all his fear disappears, in its place horror and confusion. He blinks tears out of his eyes, avoiding my gaze, "Princey? What are you doing here?" his voice comes in a rush, tones of stress, depression, anxiety, regret and terror blending into a voice thick with emotions; far unlike his usual, masked, careless speech.  He slides backward, back pressing painfully against the counter as he tries to process my appearance. 

"Virge-" I begin, looking at the blood on the ground. He sees my gaze and tries to cover the sign of his self-harm. 

"Get out, and forget you ever saw this," he mutters stiffly, trying in vain to cover the blood soaking the handtowel, and I can sense the situation might be dawning on him. "You can't help me Roman!" he shouts angerly, still not making eye contact. His hand moves faster, frantically smearing his blood across the floor, and I can see him physically slump as he gives up. 

I instantly surround him with my arms, holding him as he cries. Moment by moment, his walls collapse, and I am met with the most vulnerable version of Virgil I have ever seen. As he cries, there is a realness to it I never expected. I can almost physically feel his grief, confusion, and regret as he brakes down next to me. His before weak hands suddenly grip my shoulders as if they are his lifeline, and I can feel his sharp, warm breaths in my ear.

My throat clenches as if in a silent scream, but I will not cry. I can't let Virgil see how affected I am by it. I know his tight grip will leave bruises, but I don't care. So I let him cry, and I hope it gives him the strength that both of us are lacking.

His grip weakens momentarily, and I hear him sigh in my ear. He pushes me away, and for a moment I feel hurt by his actions. But maybe it's best to give him space. Maybe I shouldn't have come here at all! I turn away, I was a fool to think Virgil would want my help, until his hand grips my arm. I see him, slightly rocking as he stands, probably from lack of blood. His face is flushed red, his hair pushed over his face in a messy net. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn-" I begin, hoping he'll forgive me for intruding.

"No no! I didn't mean it like that," he interrupts instantly. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion,

"Why did you push me away, then! Of course I'll stay with you, Hot Topic," I respond softly, stepping towards his shaky form again and holding his shoulders to steady him. He breaths out unsteadily, shaking his head.

"Thomas is about to summon us. You should get back to your room..." I know he's right, us being together in this way would cause nothing but confusion from the other sides. They would probably just investigate, which would ultimately lead to them knowing about Virgil's self-harm. That would do more harm than good, I'm sure.

"What about your arm?" I reason in vain. Looking at it makes me want to vomit. I can see the injury more clearly now, and I realize he's cut a word on there. Burden. That simple word makes me want to throw up. It was the word I called him instead of his name. I must really have hurt him in the past...

Virgil hurridly moves his arm behind his back, "I can do it. I've cleaned up my arm many times before, and no one's even noticed I cut it in the first place."

So it's happened before, I think as Virgil does his best to make his way to open the door. I reluctantly leave, racing to my room to prepare for Thomas to call me. I barely make it before I am summoned, and as I appear in Thomas's room, I pray that Virgil put the bandage on in time. 

My nerves are on end as I wait for him to appear - and he does, late as usual. I see that he has hidden his arm well, but the knowledge of what just happened burns on my brain for the whole episode. 

It's almost over, and I know the sooner it's over the sooner I can see Virgil. I am so deep in my thoughts I don't even realize that the room has gone quiet. When I come around, I see that everyone is staring at Virgil, as he is swaying on his feet, looking like he's about to faint. The blood has seeped through his bandage and shirt, and he looks at me with eyes full of emotions. "Princey," I hear him call out weakly before he collapses on the floor. He is in my arms before I register that I've moved. I grab his arm, cutting off the blood to his wrist. Is that what you're meant to do?

I look around at the others, who aren't moving. "What are you doing!?" I scream as they refuse to move. It's as if they're terrified of something. Or someone. Something cold touches my neck, and I turn around to face what it is they are so obviously scared of. What I see takes me by surprise; it's another side. He looks the same as us, but is just... different. Darker. I know this can't be good.

"Hello," the person says in a cultured, yet shady voice. He wipes Virgil's hair away from his eyes in a caring manner. But I know better, there's no way he's here to help. 

"I'm Virgil's Depression, and if you want to save him, there's only one person here who can help."

Woah long chapter here! Thanks if anyone stayed reading this far. If you're finding the plot confusing, can you let me know? Thanks 💜