Hold Me Back || Prinxiety

Chapter 3

(Virgil's POV)

Song - Heavy: Linkin Park

10798 seconds, 10799 seconds, 10800 seconds... I tried to focus on the monotonous counting, to not dwell on the pain. These seconds are all that mattered now; seconds are the only comfort I have left. Seconds, the one thing in my life I have never taken for granted. I respected seconds, treasured them, as counting seconds are the only way to distract my mind from... my mind.

Yet seconds are never truly there, always changing, almost moving. Seconds, intangible, yet inescapable. They have the freedom I wish I had, for they can move on. They simply disappear after there time is over, yet I am forced to deal with the consequences of living - anxiety...

It's been 3 hours since Roman turned off the music to my room, or 10800 seconds, as I prefer to think. It seems like less time that way. I haven't left the room, not spoken to anyone or seen anyone. That way they will never know the effect the absence of the music has had on my mind. My thoughts are much louder now, drowning out my common sense, in it's place the mad, unfiltered rambles of pure anxiety. I don't know why it's been so bad recently. Maybe it's because Thomas is on tour, away from home.

I roll over, taking long, conscious breaths in and out and rack my brain, trying to think of something to take away a bit of my anxiety. I face my black door, wondering if, for the first time in months, I should walk out. How will the other sides react? Probably not well, I'd imagine. Roman would roll his eyes and announce in a dramatic voice that he's leaving. Logan would put me to work straight away, leaving me bored and annoyed. Patton would probably cook me a meal, and I really don't feel like eating right now. I sigh, that option is gone.

Just thinking about that has sent my anxiety flying into the roof. I focus on my breathing again, and when I open my eyes I realize my back is against my door and I am facing my room. Looking at it now, I see how dark it is. What a contrast it must be to the others' rooms. I blink hard, and suddenly my vision goes slightly blurry. It feels like my room is closing in on me, suffocating me. I feel like I can barely breathe, so I close my eyes. I try to block out the sight, focus on anything other than my room. I can feel my throat close, a sign of a panic attack. Oh no. As I duck my head in my knees, I hear something that returns vision to my eyes. 

"Virgil," the sound is shaky, but it gives me something to grab on, and I focus on the tones the person makes when saying my name. I hear it again, this time more demanding. The sound seems to shake me out of my trace, and in an instant, everything is as it was before. The room, and my mind, is back to normal. 

I stand on suddenly shaky legs and move to the furthermost corner of my room. Who said my name? I listen, only to be rewarded with the sound of defeated footsteps traveling down the hall. I can't let them leave, not when I'm in this state. I need someone, anyone. I just need human contact. 

"...Roman?"

Unconsciously, I say a name I never thought I would say when I'm searching for comfort. As the word leaves my lips, I wince. What if the person wasn't him at all? I hear the person sharply take a breath, and I feel is flamboyant aura come closer. I sigh, and revel in the comfort it gives me. 

Suddenly, the doorknob turns, sending my flying toward my bed, looking to hide. I am too late, and am immediately faced with warm, brown eyes. Overcome with the need for contact and tiredness, I fall into his arms. I don't even have time to regret my actions as I fall into a deep sleep.