ʚïɞ chasing cars︰mbav book three [b.w.]

just smile

benny accidentally woke himself up that night, blinking away to remember where he was and what was happening. she was still unconscious.

it had him thinking. had she even woken up at all? did he completely hallucinate her coming to school? surely not.

benny's head turned back, seeing the girl's face. she looked so peaceful. so beautiful. what if she doesn't wake up again?

benny felt tears line his eyes again, something he didn't usually feel. he swallowed the emotion in his throat, looking away from her and towards the floor.

"smiling was something i learned to push myself with when i was younger. i didn't have the.. best childhood but i still got through it. remember that, benny, okay?"

he ran his hands through his hair stressfully, sniffling. just smile, will you?

despite how much she told him, how much he wanted to, how much his friends worried about him, he couldn't smile, not for her, not for them and definitely not for himself. not until he knew she was okay. he cared about her in the way he never really cared about anyone before, all but ethan but.. this was different. a different kind of like.

he loved her. he truly loved her more than he ever realized.

"god, i'm stupid," benny lightly laughed at himself, wiping the almost formed tears from his eyes. he couldn't cry, not in front of her.

"benny?"

benny's face shot up forward, his eyes widened. he swiftly spun his head toward alexis and instantly, it's like he was in a different place.

a white box, completely white. there was nothing. benny stood up slowly, his hands falling lost by his side. "hello?"

"hey," a voice whispered ominously.

benny spun around quickly, coming face to face with alexis. he almost jumped at the surprising scene. he looked around then back at her. "lex? where–where are we, where is this?"

"not sure. think of it as a thinking box," she answered, cupping her hands behind her back as she wandered off.

as if on cue, a bench appeared and she sat down, her back now facing benny in the blank space. benny was struck with confusion.

he slowly crept over, taking one look around before sitting next to her. "thinking.. box?"

"like.. uh, the place in the sky."

"we're dead?!" benny exclaimed, jumping in his seat.

"no!" alexis replied, holding him down by his shoulders. she let out a kind laugh, shaking her head. "jesus, no. but in a way, like that, i guess. we're not dead. it's like.. hm, think of it as the place that voice.. or.. person in your head is, you know?"

benny calmed himself down, turning to face the way alexis also faced, accidentally bumping shoulders with her. she didn't seem to mind it, though. they were staring into white space. "okay.."

"it's peaceful here. calming. i feel free here."

benny's head turned towards her worriedly. "you do?"

"benny stop worrying for a second and look. it's quiet. this can be a place we meet while i'm unconscious. a place we can be free together even just for a bit until i heal."

"you sound crazy," benny admitted, letting out a chuckle though not entirely sure why. he realized it too.

and so did she.

"see? you're laughing. that cute smile when you do. i like seeing that smile."

"sorry," benny mumbled.

"for?" her eyes trailed to his face, brushing her eyebrows together in curiosity.

he slowly looked at her. "not smiling for you."

alexis giggled quietly, leaning forward to kiss his cheek before leaning back. "it's fine, i understand why. but when you go back, try to, okay?"

benny hesitated but immediately agreed after. alexis smiled. "good."

she pushed him off the bench, benny flying back to the ground. before benny could realize what's happening, he could feel himself hit his familiar carpet.

his eyes darted around and his body had already remembered exactly where he was. his living room. he noticed himself a few feet away from the couch, where his girlfriend still remained unconscious.

he took a deep breath, his face falling into the same sadness he previously had. but remembering her words caused his lips to curve into a cheeky grin, knowing they'd both be laughing if she were awake right now.

"for you," he whispered.

--

benny laid back in his bed, texting ethan on his phone while kicking his foot back and forth.

"benny?" his grandma asked, entering his room so quietly.

"oh, grandma," he said, sitting up normally. "what is it?"

"i need to tell you something," evelyn stated, clear seriousness in her voice. she sat on benny's bed beside his legs, benny's face contorting into confusion and a trace of fear that ran throughout his body. "but you cannot freak out or fight against me."

"okay..." he muttered, placing his phone aside and psychically preparing himself.

but nothing could mentally prepare him for what she said next.

"alexis.. has to leave. okay?"

benny could've sworn he felt his heart stop beating for a second. breath had left his body at that moment. he had only thought of the worst. "why?"

his grandmother had remained silent, her head falling dissapointedly. benny couldn't control himself as he tried standing up but she kept him down, knowing he'd react this way.

"no, no, no," benny mumbled, unable to cry, unable to scream. just lines of worry filling his lungs.

"she'll be okay."

--

benny laid in bed that night, his eyes darting around the cieling in complete silence. the only thing he could hear was the quiet crickets outside his closed window.

his hands shook in panic. what was happening? was she really okay? was grandma hiding something?

"hey benny," alexis said, monotoned happiness in her voice. she stepped up innocently behind him, cupping her hands in front of her. "can we talk?"

"yeah, but we have to go meet ethan at the council soon," benny answered, sending her a grin.

"oh, then nevermind! we can talk about it another time, alright?" she smiled at him big and bright, benny unsure if he wanted to wait or not.

he never got to ask her what she wanted to talk about. or maybe..

benny stood up, clenching his fists. and he spun his head quickly.