Remembering You // fillie

◇ chapter eight

**Noah's pov**

Finn hates me I'm sure of it. Millie don't even know. Or Finn could have told her that I like Finn.

Everything would be fine If I wasn't gay. I hate myself. Why do I need to b-, why am I like this. I will never be happy.

I cry as I sit in a bench in some random park. I forgot my stuff at the studio. There's my phone and all that I had with me.

I don't even know where I am. I can't really call anyone. I just ran as fast I could that Finn wouldn't catch me.

I have messed up everything. If only I wouldn't be like this. Why can't I be good enough. I can't even change myself or pretend to be something that im not.

Now my friends hate me and if my parents would know that I'm gay I they would hate me too. What have I done.

I'm getting tired of this. I'm hungry I didn't eat breakfast and its lunch time so I just.

At least its not so cold outside. I start walking to some store. It has something to do with fashion.

I walk to the cashier and ask where I am and its some random place and I just thank her.

I couldn't even understand what this places name is. I catch some girls staring at me.

They walk here. "are you Noah schnapp ?" one of the girls asks. "umm yes, I am" I say.

Without even thinking that this could go into social media. Their eyes widen and they look surprised.

They start fangirling and saying omg in every sentence. "I should be going now" I say as kindly as I can. "can we please have a picture with you ?" the girls ask me.

"sure why not" I say. Its not like I'm actually in a hurry.

They thank me after that. I say good bye and they all wave at me when I walk away and they look at each other and smile and giggle.

shit. I forgot I had cried. My eyes. Before I walk away from the store I check my teary eyes from the mirror and they don't look that bad.

Its fine if I looked a bit dead. Everyone can't always look their best. They didn't even seem to care about how I looked.

I have walked for hours and I thought I was going to find right back to the studio. Right now if I'm truly honest, I'm really fucking lost.

I have no idea where am I suppose to go. People have asked me if I'm Noah schnapp and then we have took pictures.

Usually just they stare at me and ended up smiling. The sun is starting to go down.

It must be really late. I should have asked from someone to call me a taxi and go to the studio. I sit on the ground.

Again I'm at some park sitting in the middle of it. Its pretty when the sun goes down and the sky isn't just blue. Now its purple and pinkish.

So beautiful. I lay on the grass. Its still pretty warm and its really calming. The past weeks has been really busy and its really nice to take a break.

I see flowers in the corner of my eye. They are pretty white little flowers. Here is big trees and one orange-brownish leaf falls on top of me by the wind.

There aren't many people here anymore so its quiet I only hear the leafs in the trees touching each others when the wind blows.

I hear suddenly few people talking and I hear them louder as the time goes on. I try to get up but I feel dizzy and fall right back. I remember that I haven't eaten or drunken anything today.