"Helloooo? Earth to Peter..." Liz summoned Peter from his deep thoughts about what Flash could possibly try to do tonight to 'wow you'. He jerked his head toward her, off his propped up forearm.
"Sorry," he stammered. "What were you saying again?"
"I was just asking what you got for number four 'cause my equation looks different from yours..." Liz looked at him with concern. "Are you okay?" she whispered.
"Hm? Yeah yeah, no yeah I'm good," he squeaked. Crap he thought.
"Are you sure, Peter? Because you've been-"
"Liz, I'm fine," he snapped. She withdrew a little, eyebrows still furrowed with worry. Peter immediately regretted speaking so sharply; he knew she was only worried and wasn't trying to be annoying. But every time he was with her he felt guilty. He would spend the entire time in her company trying to force himself to not feel that way, or at least figure out why; but he just couldn't.
"Okay, come on," she grabbed ahold of Peter's wrist firmly and led them away from their library table.
"What-where're we going?"
Liz led them up the stairs, through the science wing, up the narrow fire escape stairway, until they finally hit open air. She leaned back on an AC unit, and even though her arms were crossed, her face was soft and expectant.
"Look, I know I'm not supposed to push and stuff if you don't want to tell me what's going on," she began. "But, Peter, you gotta give me something! You have to talk to me."
"W-What?" he stammered. "We are talking, what do you mean I don't want to tell you what's going on? Nothing's going on..."
Liz cocked her head at him, "Nothing going on? Peter, you haven't been yourself lately, and it's making me kinda worried."
Peter hung his head. The last time he had a conversation about him not being himself still stung potent in his mind. The last thing he wanted now was for this discussion to end up like the last one.
"I'm sorry I haven't been myself lately," he pleaded. "I just... honestly just... I... I don't know what's going on with me, like I'm trying to figure it out but I just can't and-" Peter faltered when he saw Liz's eyes. The worry was hidden behind a deep sadness that he didn't even know could be seen through someone's eyes. "What?" he shakily asked.
"I know what's going on with you, Peter," Liz whispered. "And I think you know it too, but you don't want to admit it. God, this sucks," she muttered. She glanced up, blinking rapidly, trying to put back the tears that were forming against her will. "But that's what makes you all the more so... so... so good and this so fucking hard."
Peter couldn't even speak. He could feel his old friend, guilt, clawing up his stomach and latching onto his chest. He knew what was coming, and he knew why, but he didn't want to believe it. Part of him wanted what was coming too, but not like this. No, this was going to hurt too much.
Liz took a shaky breath, "I know you haven't been hanging around Ned and (Y/N) as much. I know you and (Y/N), had like this... this falling out kinda thing. I know you haven't been the same since that. I know you see me differently now, even though you try so hard to fight against it and not show it, and for that, Peter, thank you. Because I know that that's so hard to do.
"But I also know how you look at her-don't feel guilty; you can't help it. You know you can't keep a secret to save your life. It's also just one of those things no one can help or hide. I've seen the way you look at her, Peter. It's okay," she uncrossed her arms and gripped Peter's shoulders. His eyes were welling up as well, no matter how hard he clenched his throat or bit his lip. "That way you look at her, Peter? You used to look at me just like that, when you thought I wouldn't notice. Well, there was less sadness in your eyes then, but considering all things now..."
Peter regretted that what she was saying was true. It was every little thing that had gone through his mind these past couple weeks, but refused to truly believe. He wished it didn't have to be like this. There had to have been some other way this could've played out where no one was crying, where no one was regretting anything.
The only thing he could muster out was a small, "I'm sorry..."
Liz pulled him into a hug. For the first time in weeks, this one didn't feel empty. Peter didn't feel distant or like he wanted it to be over so it wouldn't feel awkward. This was a hug he didn't want to step away from because it felt real.
"I know," she whispered. "But I don't want to be part of the reason you're not happy." They stood there, softly holding each other for what they knew was probably the last time. "I just regret not asking sooner. I can't imagine what it must be like, carrying that around with you all this time..."
"You don't deserve this," Peter mumbled into her hair. He felt her exhale a chuckle.
"Yeah, but," she pulled away, looking down, "life isn't really about deserving, is it?"
Peter echoed her movements, anxiously twiddling his fingers as Liz began to walk back to the exit.
"Just promise me, you guys'll both figure it out, okay?" she called back. Peter looked up at her, forcing himself to nod. Liz's lips pursed into a bittersweet smile, and she turned and shut the door behind her, leaving a physically, mentally, and emotionally numb Peter.
Sightings of Spiderman had doubled within these last few weeks, and the crime rate dropping by nearly the same amount. Many were applauding his productivity, wondering how Queen's local hero had become so efficient and driven lately.
But you and Ned knew why. It was his distraction. Like those Flash dates had been for you. At least Peter's was more constant and fulfilling than just your two hours every week.
It wasn't like the hot air balloon lunch upstate wasn't completely distracting, or the early screening of some new movie Flash was into (seriously impressive, you had to admit). They worked, but just for a short while. And once you really thought about it, you found that you felt worse afterward than you did before. You were just reminded of how you were trying oh so hard to forget the main reason you were doing those dates in the first place. It was like how you try so hard to forget something that you end up having it come to mind more.
Once Peter and Liz ended things, it didn't stop your pain. But it did make you realize what you were doing was pointless. So you ended it. Not like Flash cared much anyway. But why make Peter suffer anymore than he was already. He didn't need the weight of seeing you with Flash, added on to his guilt and sadness from Liz, crushing him more.
"So what do you wanna watch now?" Ned asked, scrolling through the menu.
"I'm cool with anything really."
As he selected 'Ferris Buller's Day Off', he passed you the popcorn bowl. "So... have you talked to Peter yet?" he tried to ask lightly and casually.
You sighed, "You know I haven't."
Ned turned to you, his voice dropping into a more serious tone. "I think it's about time you guys face this head on, you know? Confront it. Confront him. Well maybe not confront him, but at least talk to him-"
"Honestly, Ned, I think I'm just gonna feel a whole lot shittier if I do that."
"Well I can't keep being the mediator between you two! Honestly I always feel like I have to evenly split my time between you two, running from one end of school to the other just to hang with my two best friends, who don't even want to talk to each other!"
"You know you don't have to do that, Ned."
"I know but I do anyway. 'Cause I love you guys and if I can do anything to help you guys be happy, I will! So, that's why I'm saying you guys need to talk."
"I don't even know if he's ready, you know? To talk? I mean it's only been like what? Two weeks since, you know... That's not that long-"
"Pretty sure he is now."
"'Pretty sure'?"
Ned glanced up from his phone. "Almost positive," he assured.
You stared at the floor, contemplating whether it was worth it to or not to reopen that wound. You knew you both knew that you had hurt the other. What you didn't know was whether you were ready to admit why. Why you were hurt in the first place, why you hurt him in return.
Suddenly the bed lurched as Ned leapt off of it, jerking you out of your head. "Sorry, I uh-," he stumbled to shove his feet back in his shoes. "-I gotta go, I just remembered my mom set a new curfew, so... yeah."
"What?" your brows furrowed. "Since when?"
"Since now, apparently?"
"What?"
"Sorry, (Y/N)! Enjoy Ferris Buller without me, I'll see you Monday!" he sped out your door.
"Okay...? Bye?"
As your front door slammed shut with a loud BANG, you pulled out your phone and texted Ned to let you know when he got home. Reading the clock's display of 10:41, you found it odd that Ned would suddenly barge out like that. You figured you could interrogate him on it back in school, so you laid back and started to scroll through your phone. As early as it was, you found yourself dozing off. Your eyes had just fluttered closed when-
*tap tap tap*
You bolted up, eyelids heavy, not sure if you had really heard it. Grabbing the remote, you shut the TV and listened again. Nothing. Beside you, your phone buzzed and you read Ned's message.
You up still? it read.
Yeah why???? you replied.
No later had you hit the send button did you hear the window tapping again. You were sure it was real this time, and your body automatically responded faster than your mind did. Throwing the curtains back and raising the window, your heart beat up to your brain. You had no idea where this was going to take you. As you saw those fluffy brown curls amongst the scarlet and blue, your breath caught.
"Hey."
