Hues of Love

Part 6

She was dressed in his favorite color: red. Just as much color of pain as it was of love. She thought it was only correct if dressed up in his favorite just as she had got colored in his colors; be it of love or of pain.

She was a wreck, thinking of all the prospective answers she could expect from him. However, she was thankful that he did not leave her hanging on to nothing and was understanding enough to actually talk it out with her. She knew that she had committed a sin by placing a scandalous request as that of hers in front of committed man. But what was love, if not the lord of sins?

She scared that he will reject her demand but petrified that he would concede to her demands eventually. Rachna, the friend of theirs who knew every nuance of their relationship, was correct in saying that she would be losing everything irrespective of his answer. His refusal would shatter her but spending a night, being the mother of his child and then abandoning them without even being recognized as the mother of the child would scar her soul permanently.

The man of her thoughts had finally arrived and she knew that he had come, just like every time in the past. The feeling which notified her of his presence was beyond description. It felt blissful, serene and felt like homecoming. Anxiety gripped her heart harder as she was unable to make anything out of his facial expressions when their eyes met.

Arnav soon joined her at the table without uttering a word and acting in a way which could reveal his feelings about the whole endeavor. He had spent a sleepless night previously. But unlike the times as that of his past, Rati was not the reason of his insomnia. The woman who sat across him and whose intensity of love for him had startled him was the cause of his sleeplessness.

He had tried to deduce from the past times of each other if his dear friend had ever dropped the hints of her amorous feelings for him and the lightning struck! She had never actually hidden her love for him. Despite never confessing, she made sure that he felt loved by her. Be it helping him bunk classes to do what he wants or helping him decide a gift for Rati, she had done it all for him. As he looked back, he wondered how difficult a task it must have been to come up with an idea for the gift which would make Rati happy and thought if he would ever be able to do what she did. 

"Say something, Arnav. Don't kill me with your silence. To the one who had fallen in love with the way you have with your words, silence could be the cruelest way to be killed," she said, bringing him out of his thoughts.

He looked at her intently, trying to find any sign of maliciousness or a mischievous glint in her eyes but it pierced through his heart to realize that there was just sincerity in her eyes. It stung him deeply to see sincerity in someone's eyes after so long. Surrounded by people who faked their smiles, tears and emotions all the time to climb up the corporate ladder and blessed with a partner whose saccharine sweet smiles would be as poisonous as arsenic, Arnav had forgotten how sincerity looked till he saw a glimpse of it in her eyes.

"What..what were the others things about me, which made you.....fall for me?" he managed to ask, curiosity getting the better of him.

A small and weak smile played on her lips as she let herself go back into the past. The only moments of peace she had in her daily life were either when she was treating her innocent patients or when she was looking back at their beautiful moments and she was glad to go back to them.

"They say that love doesn't happen in one sight, or in one meeting. It happens through a course of events and it was not different in my case, Arnav. I found myself attracted to you before I knew that you were a committed man. I was abused in the past, Arnav. And the name of my abuser was very similar to yours; Aarav. I could not help but compare the two of you at every instant we spent together. While he physically assaulted others and touched many inappropriately, you had an aura of decency around you. You would always understand emotions and demands without them even being voiced. I guess the adrenaline rush I felt while competing with you to get the physical chemistry answers fueled my passion for you. But the realization moment came when I had to move beside your chair on which your arm rested and I was hesitant to do so, touch-conscious that I was back then, you instantly understood that and without a moment delay, you moved your arm away. It might sound like nothing to people but for me, it meant everything. I can go on and on about it but my anticipation to hear your answer will not let me go any further, Arnav. Please free me from this feeling," she pleaded.

Arnav remained dumbstruck with her revelations. Despite knowing her for years, he had never known that she was abused in the past. He was always aware that she was a strong-willed person but in that instant, he could feel his admiration grow for her. Along with that admiration, he felt a gush of guilt rushing through his veins. She had considered him to be a stark opposite of the man who abused her and what did he do? He never understood her the way she wanted him to do. His unwavering loyalty to Rati would have prevented from fulfilling her romantic fantasies but she could have got this off her heart long back, only if he understood her as well as she thought he did.

"I don't know what to say, Khoosi. I cannot apologize enough for the pain you have endured due to me, despite that I am afraid I cannot do anything to soothe your pain. Rope of strangulation that my love towards my wife is, chokes me as much as it chokes you to love me. I don't think I have it in me to accept what you have proposed, Khoosi. And I take my offer back. Also, I think it is your right to know that this offer would not be presented to anyone else. You always have been one of the closest friends I have had, and it brings me great pain to see you like this. Knowing the lethal addiction that love is, I know better than to suggest you to move on but please, don't wait for me. I know your love is true, so please do one favor for me, allow yourself to be loved by someone as you love me. Maybe that will bring you out of this trauma and it would save me from drowning into the ocean of guilt that I pushed my dear friend into vortex of darkness. Please adhere to this one request of mine, Khushi," he demanded, remembering every sweet memory of theirs and emphasizing on her given name to denote his seriousness.

"There is almost nothing you can ask that I would deny, Arnav. If this brings you happiness, I will try but I cannot assure you of success," she replied in a serene and composed voice, knowing that it was an exception to demands she could fulfill but resolved to pull him out of guilt.

Their eyes met in an affectionate embrace as a smile graced on their lips. Salvation of each other, separated by walls they had themselves erected, will two people drowning in love save each other?