One Way Bridge

On the road

Hi,
My name is Samantha Rivers .I know quite plain but sometimes I wish it hard a little more charm to it too like Rivera or...I dunno possibly anything that would not make it as plain as it already is which I also think accounts for my plain features and personality.
Today is the sixth of September and just  a few more days to my sister Ann's wedding anniversary. I should probably be the happiest girl in the world right now and dance on top of all these pillowy cushions lying around lifeless on my bed but there is not much happiness if you have never really been existent in any one s life .Your whole soul just learns to disappear and live on it's on .I don't know if you get what I mean . sigh .of course you don't. Your just my stupid diary .I toss the book out of view and it lands with a thud on the messy pile of clothes lying about in my room ,groan and stare  out the window. The pink carpeted floor is supposed to feel warm but oddly I never feel warm..I am always cold. Don't get me wrong I am not a vampire and neither is my house haunted and no!its not winter because as I just said its September ..there is just not much to feel but cold when your always so alone. I roll over on my back and stare at the ceiling . Nothing new .I mean what did I expect to find there but the usual white painting of the paper plane gazing back at me.  My room has a bunk  bed with a ladder that runs straight to the ceiling because...well because I love the plane ..and I love to write my dreams on that plane and because....it just makes sense. This used to be my sister ,Ann and i's bedroom but ever since she met Albert to say that things have changed is an  understatement. its not like we were close or  anything. I mean we barely talked but it was cool having someone to yell at me other than my melodramatic mother all the time and someone to be the centre of attention most of the time. Okay may be all the time. Now its just this space and me .Preparing for an anniversary I wish didn't even have to exist. The car's horn goes off outside and I sigh.  Great.  Time to go shopping

I ran down the stairs with my jacket slang over my shoulders and try without much success to to pull my messy brown hair into a lose ponytail before mum scolds me about how nasty it looks and threatens to cut it off because the gods hated me enough not to give me her blonde curls but dad's dark locks. My black chiffon dress flies aimlessly as the wind blows through it .
"Sam!! We are going to be late!"
She screams from the kitchen and I roll .my eyes. Its not my fault my room is on the highest point of the house all thanks to her...and besides she is the one who did not want the elevator when dad was still alive. Stupid memories. My heart almost stops beating at the thought of him .I will never forgive him for leaving us. Leaving me. He was all I had .The only person who really got me and then he was gone. Most times I hear mum saying in her sleep that I died with him but its okay...its just fine to know that she thinks am dead .A tear threatens to fall from my eyes but I inhale deeply .You won't do this ,Sam. I say to myself. Not now. Not ever. And I burst into the kitchen. Mum is seated on a stool around the quartz kitchen island filling her bag with our snacks because she doesn't plan on buying any more junk food for me or Anna. For Anne needs to stay in shape for her dress fitting and already way to fat according to her. That's if you call 60 kilogrammes a lot .
"What took you so long." Anne asks smiling at me.
" oh nothing." I reply returning her smile. The glimmer  in her eyes still hasn't died down yet since she met Albert and that makes me happy . At  least  one of us got their wish ,right?
"As always." Mum groans. And I simply walk out grabbing an apple off the island .
"Your too harsh on her." I hear Anne say.
" I don't see her complaining ." is mum's reply.
" of course she won't. Sam never says a word even when she is hurting." I pause at the door and once more the tears threaten to fall.
" may be that's the problem. She should learn to talk to me . To us . if she wants our help." Mum is shouting now and I lose it.
" I don't need your help!"
I scream back.
"I am still here you know. And for your information. Its not easy to talk to someone who is never around and when they are ...never listens." I say and then silence breaks throughout the house. I swallow hard. There is so much bile in my throat and then I realise what I have just done. I let her win. Let her in . and I can't take it any more. The emptiness. So I ran out .
"Sam!!" I hear Ann call out but I don't stop. I can't  stop. The adrenaline keeps me going until I am completely out of sight. Then I stop and walk on in silence. I pull out my phone and plug my earphones in and let the song human by Christina  Perri sooth me back to serenity . After what feels like an eternity of walking. Mums black SUV pulls up besides me and I know what that means. I stand still and wait for the command.
" Get in." She says. And I do. Once I am seated. Anne offers me a warm sympathetic smile through the rare view mirror and I look away as the words from the song play
      I can take so much..
       Till I have hard enough
The trees at the side of the road rush by in all their glory. A few leaves fall from their thin arms . I sigh inwardly before I say a simple.
" I'm sorry ."
No one says anything until we arrive in town.