Miserable at best

therapy

give me therapy
i'm a walking travesty
but i'm smiling at everything
-all time low
therapy

(LUKE AND ASH ARE IDIOTS AND COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS AND KINDA DUMB TBH)

ashton was sitting in his therapist office unknown by other 5 seconds of summer boys who thought he had gone to the mall 

ashton told his therapist about how he relapsed, how useless he feels, and how much he just wants to end it all. her response was that he should go to the hospital. she said it in a nicer way but ashton didn't care. this resulted in ashton screaming that he didn't need help and he was fine.

ashton walked out of the office slamming every door possible on his way out making sure it was known by everyone that he was pissed. as he sat down in his car and pulled out his phone as tears slipped from his eyes and he vigorously wiped them away

ashton saw an ad for a 'self help' therapy app where you matched with someone else who was stuggling and helped each other through the struggles of life. he shrugged to himself, wiped away his tears, and signed up

-
luke was sitting on a hotel bed watching his hands shake from a nice combo of lack of nutrients, sleep and a surplus of coffee in his body which couldn't be doing anything good for him. 

luke had stopped eating, he hadn't eaten a proper meal in days, only a piece of fruit or a vegetable when absolutley necessary. passing by a mirror made him sad now and he tried to avoid them at all costs.

luke pulled out his phone bored out of his mind and scrolled though twitter before seeing a online therapy ad for everything from depression to schizophrenia, shrugging he downloaded it

YOU VE BEEN MATCHED

penguinlover69: hi

idontknow69: hey

penguinlover69: sick username

idontknow69: right back at you, sooo whats up with you?

penguinlover69: not sure why i signed up honestly, i dont eat a lot and i think it's becoming an issue. im light headed a lot and stuff so figured why not give this a shot. how about you?

idontknow69: yeah definetly not good for you. i relapsed into self harm, i was clean for like five years. but i dont know, i went to therapy today and she was no help so here we are

penguinlover69: im sorry

idontknow69: not your fault lol. tell me about you, favorite bands?

penguinlover69: uh everything but favorites are probably green day, mayday parade, bring me the horizon, 5 seconds of summer, my chem etc

ashton's breathing's hitched seeing his bands name and he internally cringed, if he was talking to a fan about this and they ever found out he wouldn't know what to do

idontknow69: i like those too, big fan of 5sos

penguinlover69: was that sarcasm

idontknow69: no haha, genuinely

penguinlover69 has disconnected

ashton let out a sigh as michael knocked on the door

"hey ash? we've got rehearsals "

"ugh okay i'm coming"

ashton caught a glimpse of ashton as he walked out of his room and luke walked out of his

"luke, you alright?" he looked rough honestly

"oh yeah i just haven't been able to sleep much. jet lag"

ashton nodded while they all pulled into the car while he pulled it his phone

NEW MESSAGE FROM LH

penguinlover69:hey sorry i disconnected i had to get in the car

idontknow69: it's cool i'm in the car right now

penguinlover69: wow twins

idontknow69: anyhow shouldn't we be therapying

penguinlover69: that is most definitely not a word

idontknow69: it is now

penguinlover69: *rolls eyes so hard*

idontknow69: you're no fun

penguinlover69: sucks to suck

idontknow69: well - how are you?

penguinlover69: i'm alright i guess considering lol

idontknow69: i feel like i'm standing on the edge of a cliff and the edge is about to break

penguinlover69: okay so were gonna go there, i 100% understand. do you wanna talk about whats going on?

idontknow69: i dont know, i just want to self harm and literally die. it sucks because my friends won't get it and i usually would talk to them about things like this and i just want to cry. preferably slide down a wall and sob, but im literally out with my friends right now.

penguinlover69: okay, lets start with not self harming. push it off until later today and when later comes push it back again. like wait until after dinner or lay down and say youll do it when you get up but just fall asleep instead.

idontknow69 has disconnected

-
luke was freaking out, no freaking out would be an understatement. luke was dying. he didn't want his new friend to hurt themselves. he didn't know what to do. he kept messaging and was hoping for a reply although he never got one.

ashton was fighting a war inside his mind. ashton knew shouldn't self harm especially not before a rehersal for a show where they could easily reopen. but he couldn't wait to be at the arena so he could go to the bathroom and cry until he couldn't cry anymore. ashton was on the verge of tears sitting in the car surrounded by people who cared so much about him and would want to hear this and help but he felt like he it wouldnt make a difference and he wasnt sure how to tell them even if he wanted to.

the van pulled up to whatever stadium they were playing that night and ashton basically jumped out of the car

"woah ash relax" michael said when ashton almost knocked him over

"don't feel well, need to use bathroom" ashton mumbled worried if he said anything else tears would fall from his eyes

ashton ran into the bathroom and locked a stall before letting the rivers he had been holding in flow out of his eyes and down his face. sobs racked his body and ashton cried for what felt like forever before popping his phone case open and grabbing a blade.