Miserable at best

little things

you'll never love yourself half as much as i love you
you'll never treat yourself right darling
but i want you to
if i let you know i'm here for you
maybe you'll love yourself like i love you
-one direction
little things

ashton completed his 72 hour mandatory inpatient treatment and had been out of the hospital for about a week now. he was doing a lot better, having luke by his side throughout his struggles helped him. luke was making sure ashton was taking his pills which pissed him off to no end because they made him feel like he was walking in a daze but he eventually stopped fighting luke on it. ashton was also making sure luke was eating, it was hard. but michael was helping a lot with the eating, ashton was only serving luke small portions and trying to keep the food pretty low calorie before working up to something more.

michael was on luke's ass every day at every meal making sure he was eating a healthy portion of the food, making sure he wasn't purging after eating and michael would take luke's weight a few times a week to make sure progress was being made which it was. luke was still underweight but it was getting better.

this morning was different, ashton woke up extremely happy gave them a great impression of the day until they were at a interview and ashton started pinching his wrist which calum, who was sitting next to him quickly noticed and nudged ashton's leg with his own. knocking ashton back into the reality that they were being filmed.

ashton walked backstage, once they were finally done, feeling worse than he had in a long time. calum was talking to michael and calum behind him, no doubt he was the topic of the conversation but he didn't care. he walked into his dressing room down on the couch in the corner. a few minutes later the couch dipped and luke sat down next to him.

luke looked over to ashton, shifting so his right leg was bent on the couch and he was facing ashton, "what's wrong ash?"

ashton shook his head "i feel useless"

luke sighed, he hated when ashton felt so badly and there wasn't a whole lot he could do to help.

"you know i love you right"

luke had learned that throughout these days one of the best things he could do for ashton was to comfort him and reassure him that he was loved

ashton nodded slowly "i just feel like you'd be better off without me luke"

luke shook his head grabbing ashton's hands "ashton, i've been in love with you for years. you're the reason i can help myself. you're my favorite person in the world ashton. please don't ever think i'd be better without you ash, i love you"

ashton had silent tears falling down his face he loved luke so much and he was so happy to have someone as supportive as him but he couldn't help but think he was nothing but a burden to luke.

"i love you too" ashton said wiping away his tears

luke pulled ashton into a hug letting him cry out whatever he was feeling because luke knew he wouldn't fully understand how ashton felt no matter how hard he tried, ashton was the one feeling it, not luke.

when they pulled apart luke gave ashton a small smile which ashton returned, "do you feel a little bit better?" luke asked him, sometimes crying helped, sometimes it didn't

ashton nodded "a little, thank you"

luke smiled "always love"