Dance Academy- One Step At A Time

CHAPTER #5

The days that followed, were busy with the piece for the CCCB festival.  But they shared kisses and touches in private.  Tara's heart raced whenever they were alone together.  She was excited and nervous. Once again he had the control and she knew nothing.  Yet, unlike Christian he didn't push her for more.  Ethan didn't want to rush her into anything she wasn't ready for.  He never wanted to see fear of him in her eyes.  Sometimes when she took it a little farther, he had to fight for control.  Like when she took off his shirt, before they went to their separate beds and ran her hands down over his chest.  He felt the familiar tightening and hoped that it wouldn't scare her.  Instead Tara's kissing became more intense and she pushed up against him.  Ethan's lips moved from her mouth to her neck.  That sent shivers of delight down her spine and she turned to jelly. 

"We need to stop Tara," he gasped.

She couldn't even speak, just nodded her head and took a step back.  Her eyes lowered and Tara turned around and went into her room.  She leaned against the closed door a moment and whispered, "but I don't want to stop."  

How could she make him believe her.  She was ready, because it would be with him.  He'd been her first crush, first kiss, first boyfriend and now she wanted him to lead her out of virginity. Kat had told her that it wasn't like the movies or romance novels.  But when it was the right guy, it still was special.  She'd have a bond for life with that person.  A connection no one could break.  Thinking about Ethan in the next room, gave her incredible dreams.  It excited her as much as it made her scared.

He lay awake, staring at the ceiling.  The cold shower hadn't helped.  Ethan didn't understand that of all the women he knew and been intimate with, why Tara made him feel as nervous as a teenage boy with just a kiss.  Even now his stomach was in knots, worse than any exam or audition he'd gone after. And he'd have to let her go at the end of summer.  She'd be returning to Australia, to complete third year.  Anything could happen when she went back and saw Christian.  He could loose her for good.  He made a mental pros and con list. Then laughed at himself, remembering how in her first year, Tara had done the same about him.

They both fell asleep eventually, but neither slept well. In the morning Ethan's blankets were on the floor and Tara's were in a jumbled knot.  Neither saw the other until they bumped heads.  

"Sorry," they said in unison, then stood there grinning at each other.

"How did you sleep?" Ethan asked.

"I didn't, you?"

He shook his head negatively. "I think we need to talk."

"Agreed, but after breakfast."

Ethan made it and they ate in comfortable silence.  He took a glass of juice and went out on the balcony, she did the same.  They both started talking at the same time, then she stopped and he continued.

"What are we doing? Am I just a summer fling?"

She gave him an incredulous look, "no.... I've never been with anyone, I'm a virgin."

"I know that... it's not what I was asking."

Tara's eyes widened.  "I'm not using you to get back at Christian, if that's what you think.  These last few weeks have been great.  I'm over him.  To prove it, I'll call him right now on speaker-phone."

"You don't have to prove anything to me, as long as you know what you want.  No regrets," he explained.

"I won't lie, you make me anxious.  I'm scared of disappointing you, being clumsy and dumb." Her confession embarrassed her and she looked down at the concrete.

He came forward until he was standing directly in front of her. Then he used his finger to lift her chin until she looked him in the eyes.  "I appreciate the honesty, but you could never disappoint me or be dumb and clumsy.  Don't you know what you do to me?"

She stared at him in wonder and shook her head negatively, suddenly mute.

"Being around you, I can barely breath.  My hands just want to touch you all the time.  When you look at me or smile my way, my stomach is in knots.  No one, ever, has made me loose control like you do.  I'm honoured that you want me, like I want you."

"Really?" Tara whispered.

"Really," Ethan confirmed.  "But it needs to be for the right reason too.  I don't want you to ever regret being with me, literally and figuratively."

"Do you want me to leave?" Tara asked, wearing her heart on her sleeve.

"No, but we need to slow down... okay?"

She nodded and he hugged her. "Thank you for understanding," she mumbled.

"Let's finish this project for the CCCB, then we'll figure out the rest... deal?"

"Deal.... does this mean no more kisses?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, which she didn't see.  Then kissed her head.  She looked up at him and tapped a finger on her lips.  Ethan gave in and his lips caressed hers, he was loosing the battle to say no.  It was torture, but it was also sweet.

"I'm going to use FaceTime with Christian if I can get ahold of him," Tara said after they separated.  "I'll take the bus to your studio this evening."

Ethan nodded, "call me if you need me."

"I think this talk with him has been long overdue.  It's not because of anyone else, just us."

He hugged her and then left for his morning run.  It helped him clear his mind and order his thoughts.  Tara had triggered his creative thinking and ignited his desire.  His journal, where he wrote down ideas for choreography, was now jammed with concepts.  Even though it was still a few weeks away, he didn't want her to go back, but knew in the end she had to.  

** ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ **

At the flat, Tara connected to the live video chat service.  It didn't take long before the call was answered.  Christian looked at the screen and she couldn't read his face.

"Hi," he said, unsure what more to say.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" 

"No.... Tara I'm sorry. I love you."

"I know and thanks for saying that.  I love you too, but I think neither of us are in love with each other anymore."  She said truthfully, hoping he felt the same way.

Christian nodded, "we're great partners and you're my best friend, we just don't work as boyfriend and girlfriend."

"And it's not because of the academy or Sammy's, or your father, Kayla, Josh from rehab or Ethan.  It's just about us.  We'll still work and dance together, share our dreams and goals." Tara added, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

He rubbed his hands over his face and asked what he dreaded the answer to, "can you forgive me?"

She smiled sadly, "I have forgiven you, but I can't forget.... How is Kayla?"

Christian realized that Tara always thought about the other person, it was just who she was.  "She's okay.  It was a heat of the moment mistake, we're friends still and always will be, but she's focused on getting into the academy.  So where are you?"

"I'm in Barcelona," Tara replied.

"Say hi to Ethan for me," Christian said without feeling jealousy.

"I will and I'll be back to do third year.  I can't wait to show you the project I helped him with.  We'll catch up more when I return," Tara offered.

He could feel friendship, but the need to compete with Ethan was gone.  "You're my soul mate Tara and I know now that you're not my life mate."

"Be well and happy, say hi to everyone for me.  Good-bye Christian," Tara said feeling closure.

"Bye Tara, see you in a few weeks."

The video chat ended and it had gone better than she'd expected.  Neither felt hostility to the other and he was right, they'd be friends forever, just not lovers.  The passion was gone and that was okay with both of them.  Both had grown up. He was setting down roots and she as just learning to spread her wings.