Badboy & The Troublemaker

│Shocking│*

"Death is harder on those who are left behind." 

∞Shocking∞

~Ash~

I was like a lifeless corpse standing there while Sarah helped me get changed into a black dress and some heels. The black dress was the same one I wore to Michael's funeral. I push the nostalgic thoughts away as Sarah slips on my heels. As she leaves, I'm left alone to do my makeup and hair. I start to curl my hair because momma always love my hair in curls. I put on a full makeup look and spray on some of my mom's perfume.

 I stand in front of the mirror, staring at the girl in front of me. The bags under her eyes were covered, and the scars on her arms hidden by the long sleeves of the dress. I open the drawer of my night table and stare at the blade sitting there. I remember how I let myself feel the familiar sting of the pain that the blade causes. But it was nothing, nothing compared to what I was feeling in my heart. I look at the photo of mom and I on my dresser one last time before I make my way downstairs. The Aimes family was standing there, along with a woman I recognized as Trey's mother.

"Ash, honey I'm so sorry to hear about your loss" the woman named Sonia, says wrapping her arms around me in attempts of providing comfort. I let my arms stay limp and stay silent as I nod at her.

"Ash, sweetheart, let's go" dad says as he wraps an arm around my waist. Darren follows behind, and I notice Sophia squeezing his hand reassuringly and feel happy that my brother had met such an amazing girl.

The ride to the memorial was silent as no words were being exchanged. I let my dad lead me to a row of chairs in front of where my momma's coffin lay. As the service starts, I pay no attention to anything around me as I stare at my mom.  She looked so peaceful laying there with her arms resting on her stomach.

"Ash, go up there and share a few words" my dad encourages and I nod taking a deep breath. I quietly make my way to the podium and take the microphone from the pastor.

"We're all gathered here in remembrance of my mother. As I look around I see everyone with tears in their eyes. Relatives, cousins, friends. But as i look you all in the eye, I don't remember you being there before. It's funny how when people die, then only do people realize that something is missing" I say and take a breath to calm myself.

"That woman was my mother, my best friend, my guide, my strength, my motivation. Sometimes when I felt like giving up, I looked into her eyes, and saw her love and admiration, that's what kept me going. With pure honesty, I can say that if it wasn't for my mom, I would probably be dead right now. Even when we struggled to keep a roof over our heads, momma didn't complain, instead she smiled and said we were going to make it together. My mom had a dream of becoming a doctor, but she didn't have the kind of cash needed to invest in medical school and so I started to do to jobs a day, usually working more hours than I slept but I never told my mom because her dreams meant so much to me" I say thoughtfully and I see Darren give me a small smile.

"All I hope for is that my mother is remembered to be the strong, wise woman that she was and not someone who committed suicide. I love always hold a special place for her in my heart, and I wish for her soul to rest in peace, to rest in paradise" I say and hand the microphone back, wiping away stray tears as I sat back down beside dad. At the end, we were allowed a few minutes with mom before she was lowered. I

I walk up and sit beside her coffin. I smile sadly as I run my hands through her hair. As I watched her lay there, memories flashed before my eyes.

Family game nights, movie marathons, hugging ad snuggling at night, comforting hugs after a nightmare, warm hot chocolate even in the hot weather, making lemonade, baking cookies, the hugs and the kisses.