Bodyguard [narry]

Chapter 11

[not edited]

[Harry]

Tonight are the AMAs. I'm not ready. I'm not ready at all. I still didn't choose a song. I don't know what I'm going to do. My mind wasn't on that, this last week. It's still not.

But I have to concentrate me now. I have to pick a song, wether one of mine, wether one of someone else. Last year I performed an own song. I had a lot of criticism because I didn't do a great job. The all media told the same thing. He did sing well but it wasn't what we expected. It wasn't spectacular at all.

It's true though. It wasn't great. I didn't have any feelings. I didn't sing with my heart. I just said the lyrics without meaning them. I watched it a few times and it still seems to be a recording. I didn't change the melody at the end. I sang it exactly as in the album. No emotions, no heart in it.

I was very surprised when the producer of the AMAs asked me to perform on the show again. The problem with this kind or persons is that I never really know if it's because they like what I'm doing or if it's just because my presence brings a lot of girls. I'm not showing off. I just set facts that I observe. Young adult male artists often have an amazing fan base which are most of the time girls. And we all know that fans will do anything to see their idols.

I'm quite happy to see my fans again and some friends other than Louis and Liam. Because I'm suffocating here. My two friends aren't acting like friends anymore but like parents. Always watching what I'm doing at every moment. I can't breath or blink without them being anxious. I appreciate their care, I really do, but right now it's way too much.

After the day, after I responded to the questions of Calum, he told me it's was maybe a good idea if I would stay in the house until the show. Which I did. I didn't went outside, not even on my balcony.

The other reason I suffocating in this house, is because of Niall. I haven't properly talk to him since the day.

What is funny about this day it's when I think about it I don't remember me being hunted or him being shot. I just remember the kiss. The taste of it. The feeling of it. The reaction my whole body went through. Not the fear of being murdered by a mad man, but the fear of being killed by this amount of feels.

It's hurt a lot. Only thinking about him make my stomach switch and my heart beats faster and hurts.

The last time I spoke to him was yesterday when he asked me of I had some painkillers in the house. I asked him if he was alright and he answered me he was doing better, that his injury didn't disturb him anymore. I was wondering why he needed painkillers then. But I didn't question him, not wanting to have a longer conversation with him. I learned later it was for Zayn. He had a big headache. Niall took care of him. Niall and Zayn. Zayn and Niall. Niall.

He was right, I don't know him. Why would I care?

Because you're weak and stupid.

I definitely have to find some distraction. Tonight I'll find a distraction. Tonight I won't think about him...

"Harry?"

Liam. Oh. I didn't hear come in. He enters my room without asking me if he could. I wouldn't have mind before. Now it kind of bothers me, because I want to be alone. I don't want him to see how I really feel. I don't want him to see I'm not ok. I don't want him to feel bad for me. I don't want him to discover I like boys. Or Niall. I'm not ready to face it.

I don't answer. I know he will ask me what he wants to ask anyway. He takes a chair and sits next to my bed which I am in.

"Did you choose your song? Manager just called." He informs me.