Bodyguard [narry]

Chapter 16

[unedited]

[Harry]

Life is hard.

Life isn't fair.

I don't want to live anymore. Nothing is worth anymore. I've lost everything. My desire to fight. My trust. My happiness. My heart. I'm nothing. I'm no one.

Everything hurts. Everything hurts so much. I would rather die that live one day like this again.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted.

I don't know how long I've spent in my bed. I don't even know if I'm in my bed. Time and place aren't what I care about. I actually care about nothing... Anymore.

I have no strength to care about someone. I have no strength to take care of myself. I don't give a shit about myself. I don't give a shit about what could happen to me.

I want to lay and die slowly. I want to forget everything. I want to leave this pain I'm feeling right now behind and feel nothing.

I'm not hungry. I'm not thirsty. I don't want anything. I can't talk. I can't move. I can't communicate with others. It's not like I wish to.

I want to disappear. I wish I would've never existed.

What is life when everything is against you? What is life when you don't understand anything? What is life when you've been fooled like never?What is life without trust? What is life without laugh? What is life without love? What is life without... him?

My desire to live disappears the second after he left the flat, handcuffed. I've lost everything I wanted. I've lost the one who had my heart. I've lost my dignity. I've lost my trust. I've lost my confidence. I've lost everything. He made me feel like that and I'm not sure I'll forgive him and mostly forgive myself.

I will never love someone again. I will never give my heart to anyone again. Not that I could... He took it with him and smash it like a fruit against a wall. I give him my love and he played with me. He played like I only was a toy and a stupid game. Stupid. I am. I was blind and he took advantage of his status.

But... But.

You're nothing, Harry. Nothing.

A door opens. I guess it's mine. I'm too tired to even look at it to see who came in. I don't care. I just don't care. It could be the president it would be the same. It could be Mick Jagger, I wouldn't turn my head. But I know it's none of them. It has to be Liam or Louis.

Since he was arrested, I didn't heard anything about Zayn. Apparently he's in the news. Like he is. The serial killer, "red evil" it's the name they give to him, was locked and will never see the daylights again. That's what Liam read me I don't know when. Was it yesterday? The day before? A few hours ago? I don't know.

"Harry?"

It's Liam. I don't respond. I'm not able to. I don't want to. To talk is the last thing I want to do. I'm tired of this. I want to leave. In another work and stay there forever. And I want to forget. Forget everything. Everything that happened in my life. Everything I discovered. Forget. Forget. Forget. It's the most wonderful world. I wish he would come true. Forget.

"I know you hear me. Please, you have to eat. You didn't eat anything since..."

Since I've been totally fucked by the one I thought I loved?

I'm not hungry. I refuse to eat something. Eating serves to stay alive. I don't want to be alive. I'm not alive anymore. So why would I eat?

"Harry, please. You've lost so much weigh already. The doctors said you have to eat. You barely can stand anymore. You're lying all day long and you look like a mess."