Fire's Angel

Finding Comfort

Finding Comfort

I don't know how much time passed before Alice and I collected ourselves. It could have been minutes, hours, days. Time didn't seem to matter at all, and it went by without my noticing. By the time I had let go of Alice, it was already dark outside. We hadn't turned on a light in the room, so the only light coming in was the moonlight through the window. It gave an eerie glow around the room, and yet was calming at the same time.

Alice hadn't looked at me, even after I sat up and moved away from her slightly. She looked as if she was ashamed, which I guess she was. She did, after all, have this secret that she was keeping from me and keeping to herself and Jasper for years. It must have been hard on her, not knowing what had actually happened to me after the fire, and I could sympathize. That didn't entirely mean that I understood her reasoning, but I was trying. I knew that it wasn't really her fault for everything that happened, though it was most definitely easier to blame her. In all honesty, I wanted to blame her. I wanted to have someone to blame for everything that happened to me, and Alice was just sitting there, waiting for me to yell at her.

I took in all that was Alice in that moment. She was sitting in front of me, feet on the floor with her elbows resting on her knees, holding her head in her hands. Her hands were clenching and unclenching in her hair, and from what I could see, it looked as if she was grimacing. She shook her head back and forth every so often as if she was trying to rid herself of the memory. We both knew it was impossible for that to happen.

My thoughts wouldn't come under control. They were scattered, and yet focused. It was very confusing, and I found myself wanting to rid myself of my memories as well. I decided that the silence was fine for now and relived what Alice had just told me, trying to grasp everything. It was hard to remember everything, but I didn't want to forget anything. The visions she spoke of, her confidence in Jasper as a friend and brother, her family's reluctance to let her come to me, her final vision that made her come to me anyway, the other vampire, Alice saving me and Jasper helping. I didn't want to forget any of it.

The story kept running through my head and it eventually came just that - a story. It didn't seem real to me anymore. I may have just been in shock, but I found that I really just wanted to move past it. Nothing could be changed now, and though life was hard, it's what made me who I am now. And though I really wish I still had my parents and Ryan with me, I like who I am now.

Coming to my semi-firm conclusion, I decided that it would be best to break the silence that had taken over the room. Alice still hadn't made a sound and had become statuesque. I don't even think she was breathing, and in all honesty it was scaring me a little. I didn't know how to even begin any form of conversation, or if a conversation would even be good right now, but I knew I had to say something so Alice knew that I wasn't mad at her.

I got up from my place next to Alice and went to kneel in front of her, my face inches from hers. Reaching up from my position, I placed my hands on Alice's forearms, gently pulling on them telling her to put them down. She did, but her head remained bowed. Wanting her to look at me, I moved to place my hands on either side of her face, but she spoke before I could, surprising me. I froze in mid-motion.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so, so sorry," she repeated over and over. She looked up finally, leaning forward and resting her forehead on my own. Her eyes were closed and she kept repeating that she was sorry. I felt a single tear fall and hit my leg before I finally spoke.

"Thank you." Alice opened her eyes and leaned a little away from me with a questioning look on her face. "Thank you for being there, Alice. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for not listening to your family. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for being you." I stopped, not knowing exactly what else I was thanking her for, but knowing that there was most definitely more. "Just thank you." I smiled weakly, trying to show her that I was being sincere.