ANGUIS

Chapter 13

Tredecim – Chapter XIII

It was hard watching her leave.

Karlie had an ashen rucksack that looked bigger than her, but the blonde was sure that there were few things inside of the grey bag. Taylor was standing at the top of the staircase, staring at the brunette from afar. The red dress she was sporting was matching perfectly the crimson color of the carpet beneath her high heels.

The brunette hasn't seen Taylor yet, and the blonde doesn't even want to be seen from her, afraid of having to properly say goodbye to the tall girl and breaking in front of her. An unbearable lump had quickly formed on her throat as soon as she had a glimpse of Karlie and she hates herself for it. How could she fall in love with Karlie, the girl who killed her father? The girl who makes her weak in the knees and leaves her breathless everytime their fingers brush?

She takes a deep breath to calm down her racing heart, her eyes watering slightly when seeing Karlie flash a big smile to some man's way. That smile: she was going to miss it dearly in the next months. She wonders if she will ever see that beautiful smile again, if she will ever see Karlie again.

Maybe the encounter that happened the night before in the brunette's room was really their last time. Maybe they will never see each other again. And this breaks Taylor's heart, because as soon as Karlie's forest green eyes meet hers across the hall she realizes that she is in love with the tall girl. She loves Karlie deeply and there's no going back now. She fell, hard, and nobody was there to make the landing softer. There was only pain and sorrow and loneliness.

Karlie's expression falters, her smile fading as she maintains eye contact with the Queen. She doesn't move from her spot near the entrance of the castle, although she ignores the man that is currently trying to have a conversation with her. Taylor's eyes fill with stinging tears, and she just hopes that Karlie isn't able to see them from where she's currently standing. The blonde clenches her jaw, her hands closed in fists as her arms hang loosely by her sides. She tries to hold her emotions in, not wanting to get emotional in a public setting.

She knows she can make Karlie stay, if she wanted. She was the Queen, after all. She makes the rules in this whole town, but something inside of her, maybe the stubborn part of her aching heart, told her that letting the brunette go was the right thing to do. She needed to move on, because she and Karlie were not meant to be together according to the Sacred Book. She still remembers the brunette asking her if she believes in the things that are written in that book, and her answer was simple. Do you?. Karlie's eyes were sparkling when she had said, I believe in love. Taylor doesn't even know in what she believes right now.

But right now, from what she could see, the tall girl's eyes weren't sparkling like the stars at night. No, they were sorrowful and empty. They were beautiful, sure, but Taylor didn't like what she was seeing in them, because it hurts her seeing her this way. Seeing her in pain because of love.

Therefore, after taking a deep breath, she decides to let go of the last chance she has to make Karlie stay: she turns around, her bedroom as the destination, and as she walked away, her back facing Karlie, she wondered if she just dodged a bullet or just lost the love of her life.

••••••

In the following months, time had passed slower than usual. Taylor often found herself getting lost in her drowning thoughts, her eyes staring at the same spot for hours and hours until someone pulled her out of her intoxicated mind.

"What happened to you?" Deris' voice finally pulls her out of her thoughts. His tone was gentle and filled with a little concern, but he tried to mask it with a little smile gracing his lips.

"Nothing," Taylor replies, shaking her head while a nervous chuckle escapes from her mouth. She fiddles with her fingers, looking down at her feet as the councilor stares at her skeptically. She just hopes that she doesn't seem as sad as she feels right now.

"You're lying," Deris states. Taylor looks up at him quizzically. Was she so obvious?

"What are you talking about?" she asks, trying to sound authoritative but failing miserably. Her voice comes out in a weak and trembling whisper.

"Timothy told me that he found you crying in a guest's room two days ago," the councilor confesses quietly, sitting beside the Queen as the blonde lets out a deep breath.

She rolls her eyes as she mumbles, "I told him not to tell anyone,". She sighs, putting her head in her hands as she starts feeling embarassed under Deris' gaze.

"It's okay," the man says. "It's not like I'm judging you or something. A nervous breakdown can happen to anyone. Maybe you were just stressed, since there are a lot of things going on in this city after the attack of five months ago," he continues. Taylor purses her lips, not saying anything. "Unless you weren't crying because of the attack?"

"I wasn't...I didn't have a nervous breakdown when Timothy saw me," Taylor finally speaks, not meeting the man's eyes. She knows exactly what he's talking about. Two days ago, she accidentally walked in what was once Karlie's room, and she found one of her shirts by mistake. Taylor had made the error to place the garment near her nose; it still smelled like the brunette, and her strong perfume was too much for the blonde. Plus, it was one of those days were she missed the taller girl too much, and finding something that was once hers had made her cry.

"Then what was it?" Deris asks curiously. Taylor hesitates for a moment.

"It was nothing," she replies, not wanting to confess her secret to him. Since her love for Karlie was still forbidden, she didn't feel comfortable in telling him about it.

"Why do I feel like you're hiding something? I feel like you're keeping something from me and you know...we aren't like - friends - but, you know, if you have something bothering you, you can talk about it with me," Deris says calmly.

Taylor decides to be honest this time. "I just...missed someone," she whispers, fiddling with the hem of her dress. Thinking about Karlie hurt. A lot.

"Whom?"

Taylor shrugs. "Someone," she replies, not wanting to say the brunette's name. The man nodds, and when he was about to speak, someone who stepped inside the room interrupted their conversation.

"I have to go," Deris says quietly. He stands up slowly, placing a hand on the Queen's shoulder and giving her a small and understanding smile before leaving her alone. As soon as the man was out, Taylor lets out a sigh of relief.

She was glad that her secret was still safe.