To Love Somebody

Her hands wrapped around him, pulling him closer as he kissed her with a feverish need.

"Oh fuck Zander." 

She fiddled with the buttons of his shirt as he leaned her against his desk. His lips slowly trailed down, placing small kisses against her cheekbone.

The loud ring of his phone pulled the both of them out of their daze. He quickly pulled away from her, looking around for his phone.

He let out a heavy breath, his icy blue eyes widening as he stared at the contact name.

"It's my wife."

She sighed and stood up, irritated. Her timing was always the worst. She wasn't sure why Zander had even married someone like her. She was way too clingy. 

"Hey babe. I'm running a little late. I'll be home in a few minutes." His eyes met hers as she shook her head, quickly diverting her gaze out the glass window.

"Yes. I promise. I'll be home by six. The dinner reservation isn't until seven." He drummed his fingers along the table. He had forgotten all about their dinner plans. 

It certainly wasn't the first time he had forgot. 

He knew what he was doing was wrong. She'd never forgive him. But that was only if she found out.

"Okay. Love you too." The small lie quickly escaped his lips. 

The guilt behind the lie weighed down on him. 

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"I'm pregnant." She bit her lip, smiling at him. 

"Zander?" She reached for his hand, placing it over her stomach. "We're going to be parents. A little baby. We're having a baby."

And he smiled back at her, but his smile was a little forced. 

This was most certainly not what he wanted. That he was sure of. 

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"Do you love her?" She took a small sip of the pink lemonade. She wasn't sure what was going to happen now that his wife was pregnant. Pregnant with his baby.

Somewhere along the lines, she knew she was the one he would be pushing aside. 

Her eyes focused on him, waiting for him to answer. Whenever he was nervous, he would always run his tongue over his lower lip. She noticed this.

She asked the question again. She was almost afraid of the answer. But she wanted to know, know where she stood in his life. "Your wife, do you still love her?"

"She's having my baby." He hesitated a little. He loved her, didn't he? He wasn't too sure anymore. 

She let out a pathetic laugh as she took note of the uncertainty laced in his voice. 

"But what does that have to do with loving her?" 

"I don't want to do this right now." He picked up the menu, glancing over at her but quickly looking back down before she could notice.  

"And me? What's going to happen to us once the baby is born? Are you going to start playing house and pretend that we never happened?" She tried to hide the bitterness in her voice. 

She wanted to be his, his and only his. 

"I loved her." He answered her question. And he tried to convince himself of the answer. 

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"I can't do this anymore." He stood up, walking over to the dining table where he had thrown his keys when he had come home less than an hour ago.

And for the last hour, she had been nagging him about the baby. 

She followed him over to the dining table, confused. "What's wrong?" 

He slowly took a small step towards her. His eyes fell on her small baby bump and he quickly looked away, almost as though he was disgusted. "I can't do this. I'm done. I'm so fucking done."

She furrowed her eyebrows, pushing her lower lip out. She tried to understand what was going on. She had just wanted him to show all the baby clothes she had bought while shopping today. That was all. 

He was distant as ever. She wasn't sure. All she knew, he had been like that for a while now.

Zander shook his head, grabbing the keys off the table. 

His eyes darted from her confused state as she stood in front of him trying to understand what he had just said to the pile of baby clothes scattered on the sofa. He was more than certain of what he wanted.

And it surely wasn't this.

"I'm done." His shoulder brushed against her, the car keys in his hand. He was done.

She started yelling at him, trying to look for an explanation as to what was going on.

"What the fuck Zander?" She trailed behind him, her eyes widening as he opened the front door. "Where are you going?"

Her cries slowly turned into screams.

"Zander!" She repeated his name, over and over. She wanted to know what was going on. She was trying to understand what was going on.

Where was he going?

"Zander?" She mumbled his name as she stood in the doorway, waiting for him to turn around and come back inside. To come back inside, to her and their baby.

"Zander?" This time, her voice was barely above a whisper. She was begging for him to turn around now. She was begging for him to come back to her. 

Instead, she was met with a cool, December breeze. The realization was slowly setting in on her.

She was losing everything. She was losing him.

He slowly stilled as he unlocked the car, his hands playing with the keys. It was almost as though he was conflicted, unsure of what to do. He let out a deep breath. But still, he didn't look at her.

Was he really going to throw away everything he had worked his ass off for over a small affair? She didn't love him. His wife, though, did love him. And the baby, they were going to have a baby, their baby. 

Zander didn't look back. He was afraid he would change his mind if he looked back at her. Looking at her, crying and begging for him to stay would only make it harder to leave.

His decision was final. 

She, stood in the doorway, watching and begging for him to turn around. Tears streamed down her face and her heart shattered. Everything was falling apart for her. He couldn't possibly be leaving her. 

Not when they were expecting their first child. Not when they were perfectly happy together. Not when everything was finally going good for her.

She let out a harsh sob as the car door slammed shut.

And she stood and watched, her hand placed over the small baby bump as the gray Tesla pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street. 

He was gone. And he hadn't looked back. Not even once. 

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12.19.2017 

7: 58 pm