Chasing Ghosts [Attack on Titan](Wattys 2014 Winner)

Chapter twelve- Red rose

Chapter twelve.

I quickly whipped my head up, collecting myself. “Sorry, I'm acting like a child.” I sputtered. Why was I so emotional all the sudden? I shook my head moving my auburn hair out of my face. The boy tipped his head “No, I shouldn't be disturbing old memory’s.” He rested his hand on my shoulder. “You’re a nice girl Alya. A strong one to, you've got the world in your hands if you would just bring down your walls.” He said quietly. I stared into the sun that was almost completely swallowed by the horizon. “I'll keep that in mind.” I said pushing my hair back again as the wild wind swept it in different directions.

I continued to stare at the sun until it was completely gone “We should get back before it gets to dark.” He said. I nodded and we zipped down the side of the wall to the ground, re-mounting the horse. This time I wrapped my arms around Tamakis waste for a better hold we returned as the stars began to appear. Flickering and dancing above us like the lights of the city. As we returned I dismounted the horse and he smiled “I'll see you around.” The boy kicked his horse and went off I watched him go until I couldn't hear the horses hooves anymore.

I heard Levi shift in the dirt behind me still bound by the ties “I can’t believe you'd let him do that.” He spat “Military corp scum….” He said in disbelief. “Did I ask your for your opinion?” I growled. He shifted slightly again, by now only the light of the moon washed everything in a flush of pale white. I turned and went inside leaving the obnoxious trainee to sit there by himself perhaps some ‘time out’ time could change his attitude.

When I got inside I heard a loud laughing from below and chatter. They sounded like they were celebrating. I listened for a while standing in the entrance hall but instead of going to join the party I went upstairs to my quarters. I sat down at my desk and opened one of my mother’s journals. I flipped through the pages going to the section I hard bookmarked as a little girl. The one about the flowers, the one thing I could hold on to for her. Those flowers where my memory of her.

I read the page “I found a new flower today, I'm calling it a rose. It’s red as blood or a rhubarb stew. It has thorns going along its stem so it can protect itself from everything, so it can’t be harmed. The rose is beautiful, but its violent as well. It seems to me like its trying to protect itself from the outside world so other things cannot harm it. It is beautiful, but its walls keep it from seeming so. The petals are like velvet and it spreads out from the center like a splash of water.” Then there was a colored drawing of a red rose at the bottom of the page. I stared at the book, its like she was describing me without even knowing it. I was like a rose, my thorns kept me from ever feeling sad or bad because they pricked anyone who got to close.

I shut the journal. That was her last entry before she'd died. I flipped to the last page. Something I had discovered long ago, she'd placed the rose in the back of the book it had been flattened and dried so it would be there forever. I picked up the flower and fiddled with it in my hands for a moment staring out into the moonlit world before me. I'd wished I known her, she seemed like an amazing woman by her writing. She often wrote stories about the flowers. Unfortunately she hadn't written one about the rose.

Perhaps that was where I was to come in, and write my own story for this flower. This flower that was me. I sighed quietly resting my head on the book and running my hands along the grooves of the book in silence for a while the door opened and I snapped my head up shoving the flower back into the crevasse of the journal and slamming the thing shut. I looked back to see Erwin he stretched walking into my room like he was not intruding. I turned waiting for him to explain “You’re missing the party.” He said with a sly smile.

I rolled my eyes “I don’t care much for that sort of thing.” He chuckled softly walking to my side and looking down at the half seeable journal. It was partially hidden under the papers. He went to grab it “What are you doing?” I demanded smacking his hand away from the book. He shrugged “What is that?” He asked. I could smell alcohol on him as he got close. “Your drunk, go to bed.” I demanded. He sighed loudly “Your no fun.” He laughed.

I stood as he half collapsed onto my shoulders. I snorted quietly “Go to bed, you’re the commander not a drunken idiot.” I said, half referencing my father. The commander sighed pushing his shaggy blond hair out of his face. “Fine.” I helped him back to his room and he collapsed onto the white covers. I put my hands on my hips. “You’re going to regret this in the morning, when you have a headache.” I nagged. He rolled over and tossed a shoe at me.  I caught it and threw it to the ground “Stop being stupid, your stupid.” I scoffed at him, smiling. He looked upward at me burying his nose into the crook of his arm. “It’s just my nature.” He said. I went over standing at the side of his bed “No, it’s not.” I said “You’re not funny, you’re strict.” I teased. He looked over at me with his vivid green eyes “Well, neither are you.”

I blinked “Sure I am.” I said to him, the commander raised one of his bushy eyebrows at me. “No Alya. Your angry most of the time. I've often wondered why….” He trailed off. I went towards the door, not wishing to talk about myself. “Get some rest.” I flicked off the lamp as I left the room. I stood at his door in the hallway.

Always…. Angry…?