Heart of a Beast

Chapter 20 | Crystal

Crystal slept in her bed that night while Tiberius slept on the floor. His fur was still damp from his shower and she was still upset with him.

She understood why he told her parents about her suicidal thoughts, but she still felt betrayed by him. To have him spill her most shameful thoughts to those she cared about the most hurt. To see their reactions hurt even more.

They didn't understand. They didn't know the anguish of praying every night to the Moon Goddess for her wolf and her prayers to never be answered. They didn't know the sheer terror and agony of being seized by convulsions on a daily basis; to be bedridden, to feel so utterly hopeless and completely alone.

To hear everyone offering their love and support was such a punch in the face. She was even more of a burden than before and she didn't want her miserable existence to be that anymore.

Everyone invited her and Tiberius over whenever they wanted and Tiberius nodded his head like it was a great idea.

She didn't want to spend time with anyone and have to face their pitying eyes. Didn't he get that? Everyone pitied her.

She couldn't shake those glances. They followed her everywhere and she just wanted to run away and hide from it.

Neither she nor Tiberius slept well that night. She could tell because she knew what his sleeping noises sounded like.

She clutched the mate stone under her pillow and ran her thumb over the engraving. Her thoughts drifted from one memory to the next of Tiberius from the moment she woke up in his arms in the shack next to the creek in Wisconsin.

She knew she could trust him. She felt safest when she was with him. Yet, when she considered her feelings for him as her mate, she felt he was more like a friend. She cared about him, and he cared about her, but she knew his feelings for her were much stronger than the feelings she held for him.

Guilt struck her with that revelation and she pressed the mate stone to her heart.

Tiberius was a good male and he deserved more from a mate.

Why couldn't she be the mate he needed and deserved?

She fell in and out of sleep, her thoughts consuming her and never letting up long enough for her to meet with Tiberius in her dreams.

He, likewise, didn't sleep well and when morning came, he slipped out before she got up.

Rolling away from the wall, she looked down where he slept. Before she could even wonder where he had gone or why he got up without licking her face, a heaviness pressed down on her chest.

Something had to be bothering him. It had to be her fault. It had to be.

Still clutching the mate stone in her hand, she looked down at it and rubbed her thumb over the engraving.

I am so undeserving of you. And yet, you haven't given up on me. Why? When we are doomed to die soon, why haven't you given up on me?

Closing her eyes, she pressed her palms together with the flat stone between them.

If I only have a little bit of time left with you, I want to enjoy it with you.

Opening her eyes, she tucked the mate stone under her pillow and changed into jean shorts and a tank top before leaving her room.

The house was empty and when she peered out the sliding glass door in the kitchen to the backyard, she found her parents sitting on either side of Tiberius as he wrote in the dirt. Sighing, she opened the door, but her mother held up her index finger.