Fooled (Larry Stylinson) ✅

22. Contradictions

Louis' Point of View

"Are you sure you're good to go out for lunch?" Niall asked me for probably the third time today. After he had gotten home last night to find me freaking out over yogurt, we had a serious talk, and we decided that I probably had to see my doctor about next steps since therapy wasn't working.

"Alright, Lou. I'll help you. Don't worry," Niall had said encouragingly as he helped me clean the counter I had spilled upon. Together, we made chicken noodle soup -- and by him, I mean me because obviously Niall doesn't know how to work appliances -- and then sat down on the couch to talk things over.

"I just.. I can hardly eat lately. It's getting really bad, there's just like a voice in the back of my mind telling me I look gross and don't deserve to eat. That I was too disgusting and that's why Harry left," I admitted to Niall, swirling my spoon into the soup bowl. "I know it's crazy, but that's what's happening. It's what happened last year too, when you found me passed out and all..."

Niall nodded slowly, frowning and rubbing his chin. But then he smiled as he watched me begin to eat the soup. The moment it hit my lips, I realized I was actually hungry for once, and I began to eat it more quickly, feeling a bit better as I started to replenish my energy.

"Louis, have you ever considered you might have some sort of eating disorder?" Niall asked, a flash of guilt darkening his bright blue eyes. "I mean, I'm no doctor. You should go and see one and they'll know what to do. And get bloodwork too, to make sure you're alright. It'll be, okay mate. They can get you on a plan and all that. And you're aware of the problem, which is great. Some people are in full denial."

I nodded, but I didn't want to think about doctors visits and bloodwork right now. The one thing I hated more than the white walls and metal tools in the doctors office were needles stabbing into my veins. Terrifying.

"You're right, Niall. I'll set up an appointment for Monday. I kind of feel better already. You know, less alone," I said, taking another sip of my soup. "But I think it's stress induced. Or maybe a coping mechanism? I guess we'll find out... Anyways, I have good news..."

Niall shook his head, cutting me off. "Don't change the subject so quickly, Lou," he said sternly. This was the most serious I had seen him since the day they said they were out of beer at the bar and he threatened to stand on the table until they got more. (He actually did and one of the bartenders ran to the quick mart to get him a six pack. It was hilarious).

"Are you okay? What's bothering you specifically?" Niall asked, putting his finished bowl down on the coffee table. I sighed, knowing he probably spilled a bit and that it would leave a stain.

"I miss Harry, if I'm being honest. But Zayn, the artist guy, asked me out and I told him I was still getting over an ex. We're getting lunch tomorrow as friends, but I feel like it's still sort of a date," I said quietly as I placed my bowl next to Niall's. I was finished too.

"Well, that really sucks, Lou. But you haven't even tried to talk to him. If you miss him, why not give him a call? And with this Zayn guy, he said just friends so keep it as friends," Niall suggested, though it really seemed like more of a command than it was a suggestion. "I mean, only do what you're comfortable with of course..." He raised an eyebrow at me, shaking his head as I stuck my tongue out at him in response.

"I... I just can't with Harry. Too many conflicting emotions... I'd rather see him. Maybe... maybe I can ask Zayn if I can join him on set for the video shoot he's doing with Harry's band. And then go and like surprise him," I said excitedly, thinking out loud.

I'm not sure why seeing Harry was a better alternative to calling or texting him, but I physically couldn't bring myself to reach out to him first. I figured if I saw him again "by chance," I would regain that confidence that I once had in the parking lot when Harry showed up unexpectedly.