Remembering Billie

Prologue

3:30AM - Via: "The Hardcore Insomniac" - Radio Station: Arthur St. 316

9th January 2019.

"Hey, Billie! It's me again, Casper. I'm sorry I'm recording this at a rather - ungodly - time. My brain won't shut up. I tell myself it's my own fault. I blast rock music through my earphones all day, barely eat anything, smoke these disgusting killer-ettes; and drink a shit ton of coffee. But supposedly I somehow reckon I'll find sleep? Nah, it's a waste of time anyways. Sleep, that is. Anyways, I didn't freaking record this at half three in the morning, just to blabber to you about my problems (You let me do that enough as it is). Remember that song lyric you sent me?-" there's distinct laughter muffled in the background, and a slight pause before I continue to talk. "-Geez, I'll be more specific eh? Else it'd take twenty years to figure out which one I'm meaning. I think I recall it as: 'It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart'. I never actually realized that they were song lyrics. I just figured you were trying to be cute...Uh, don't get me wrong! You are cute! Really cute! Beautiful actually... Ugh... Uhh. So yeah; anywho, after some late night research, I found the song! It's a classic oldie, slow and steady with a rhythm that I haven't long forgotten to the slightest. 'When you say Nothing at all' by, Whats-his-name? Obvious when I think about it, really..." My voice drifts off into a scratchy silence for a long, few minutes; The song I'd just been quoting humming along softly in the background. "Hey, Billie...? I just can't stop thinking. About you. I'm sorry... I know we promised to stick to being just friends, but there's nothing I can do. My heart craves us - I do too - and I know you'll think I'm stringing you along, because you're well aware I have Agoraphobia........." My husky voice cracks and the mic responds with a screech, only to dramatize things further. "But, you aren't like any single, teenage girl I've ever met. You're different and quirky. You're sweet and have a soft voice that casts people under a spell, into a trance. I can't help it Billie, you're beautiful, stunning. You've been here through thick and thin, light and dark." Again my voice fades off slightly, my breath heavy in the silenced, eerie atmosphere. "I love you Billie. I crave you, and I crave us. I hope you understand that I can't help these feelings. I love you, and there's nothing I can do... I love you..." The recording ends there. And I break out into a heaving sob. I shake violently, my body a complete mess within seconds; I then hover my frail and bony, translucent fingers over the big gloomy green button, blurring in my teary eyesight: "Download To Tape" button. They stay there for a couple seconds, before undying rage washes over me like a fuzzy blanket; and I slam the button down with full force, enjoying that I feel anger. The only relatively safe emotion I recognise. I lean back, resting my skull against the headboard of my bed. "Billie..." My vocal chords croak out. "B- B- Billie...." It's a tense, pathetically desperate moan that escapes my throat, before I pull my head into my hands, curl into a ball and wail with agony. Fiery rage builds up in my pitifully wrecked throat and waits there, ticking like a timer for a bomb. I give up on sadness and scream into my pillow; tightening my fists until my knuckles go white, and I'm drained from feeling too much all at once. Tears stream down my face, pain oozes out of every pore, and anger pours out like waterfalls, until I feel numb again. Until all I can manage - is whimpering quietly, with my hands over my ears. I am broken.