Remembering Billie

Billie's [P.O.V.]

"No, your'e going to school!" Mum's been getting angry lately, at me specifically. I frown at her, "Bu-" She shoots me a glare and I know I'm beat. I sigh and sulk into my room, pulling on comfy pants and a shirt. I wrap myself in my puffer jacket and sit mumbling on the sofa, waiting for Gus. After a few minutes he walks out of his bedroom and smiles at me. I smile back. "Come on, let's go." He nods and we say goodbye to my parents. But not before I notice Dad motioning to Mum's now huge, stomach. I'm still confused as to why she's so big. I sigh in frustration and leave the house with Gus.

"Billie, slow down! Please!" Abigail and Charleigh hurry to keep up with me, panting and dodging people in the hallways. Gus is running behind them, shooting looks at whoever stares. I reach English and slam the door shut behind me. I flop into a seat and sit heaving with exhaustion. The door creaks open to reveal Gus. He cautiously walks up to me and sits down in the desk beside me. He reaches over to hold my hand. "It's okay." He whispers. People are staring at us. So is Mr Quayle. I start to pull my arm away from him but he looks at me with something like awe, or mercy and it sort of hurts to see him that way. I squeeze his hand and his lips lift into a small cheeky smile. That smile reminds me of Seattle. The bright days that bathed me in light during my childhood...

"Run! Run!" I squeal, Gus and I are jogging, sliding over trash and alleyway junk as we clamber away from our houses, away from our parents. I'm laughing and so is he. He sprints in front of me, pulling me along behind him as I break into hysterical giggles. "Hurry up, slowpoke!" He grins, a white pearly smile that shines in the moonlight. After a couple minutes or so of running, we collapse against a cold stone wall. Music is bleeding through the walls that we're leaning against. We sit with our eyes closed, until we catch our breath. I pull Gus up and we sneak around, placing our hands over the wall until we come to a steel door. I fiddle for the handle, and try pushing and pulling it. It doesn't budge. Gus moves in front of me to try, his arm muscles tense as he pushes against the door. It flings open with a loud "THWACK!" And Gus is thrown forward onto his face. I let out a laugh, barely heard over the humming music, and scramble to help him up. We slink across the floor, our eyes adjusting to the darkness of the bar's storeroom. I push open the door in front of us and find myself blinking in bright light. We're behind the bar, I slink around the side, snatching two bottles of coke and move through to a table out of sight. We flop onto the seats, panting with exhaustion and heaving with laughter. I slide over his drink and pop the cap of my own. He smiles at me, "A toast, to you, Billie, for all of the wonderful adventures that have turned out grand, or worse than we could imagine, and to every adventure of the future, to you!" I shake my head and tap my drink against his, "No, to us. A toast to us." We smile and lean back against the chairs, listening to the very reason why we came here. A group of small town Blues Musicians were playing that night. "Hello everyone!" There's a man on the stage, tall with curly black hair and wide blue eyes, "I'm Mack, the lead singer of Schwellenangst." He smiles, flicking back his hair. "Tonight our first song is 'The Girl Of Ethereal'" He moves to the mic and counts a beat back to the rest of his band. The music throbs through me like the pulse of a heartbeat. Gus is holding my hand, and its one of the single most loveliest moments in my life. I smile, he smiles back, the strobe lights reflecting in his eyes like a surging wave of calm.

"Billie? Hello! Earth to Billie Cray?!" Both Abigail and Charleigh are standing red faced and seething in front of me. "Billie can you just talk to us?!" Shrieks Charleigh. "We didn't mean to upset you so much. It's just that having Gus made us realize that we needed someone else. A new friend." My lips wobble and tears gather at my eyelids. "Exactly." I murmur. "I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough of a friend, enough of a person." I'm speaking in a staged whisper as the seats around me fill with students. "But I understand. And that's why I've taken a vow of silence. Because I'm not pretty enough for you guys. Or smart enough, or talented enough at music." I'm crying now, and both Charleigh and Abigail are close to tears, Gus still strong and patient beside me. I take a shaky breath and continue, "You don't know what the situation is, why Gus is here, why I'm so upset. You both just automatically scream at me whenever I get upset like all of this is my damn fault!" I close my eyes, "You don't know my story, so YOU have no rights to accuse me of how I feel. Thank you." I keep my eyes closed, tears surging down my cheeks. "RINNNGGGG!" The bell screams and both Char and Abi walk out of the classroom, snuffling back tears. I sink into my seat. "Billie?" It's Mr Quayle. "I think you should go home." He's probably my nicest teacher yet, so instead of getting up and going home, I open my eyes, wipe them with my sleeve and smile, "No thank you, Sir. I'm quite fine to do English." He gives me a smile and heads back to the front, ready to conduct his lesson. I realize I'm still holding Gus's hand. I wipe my hand on my pants, my sweaty disgusting hand and thank Gus through a whisper.

At break, I tell Gus, "You go meet up with the girls. I need to finish some homework." Chem is my last period and I'm prepared to miss it. He nods, "Are you sure?" I give him a gracious smile and pull him into a hug, "Super sure." I say goodbye to Gus and march off to the Office where I sign out, hop into Chang and drive off.

I wasn't sure if Casper would even pick up, but I need to talk to him so its worth a try. I plop into my seat and switch on my mic. First I settle with an announcement from Classic Sense; "Hi guys! Billie here, we've been having some issues at school and home so I hope that this will explain our absence. Thank you, sorry for the inconvenience, we will keep in touch." After a minute or so Casper calls, "What's up?" I sigh, "Hi, Casper, no I'm good thanks." He laughs, "Sorry, hi, Billie, how are you?" "Not great." "Well, what's been happening...?" I sigh again, "It's hard enough that words won't be able to tell you." He doesn't say anything for a moment, "So, if speaking is too hard, why don't you play me some music instead. I'll work out what you mean, myself." I think for a moment, he's quite right that I easily speak the language of music. "Okay..." It takes me a few moments, but I find the right song. I play it for him, through the speakers and into his mic. Its a humming tune which stretches out and makes me think of new, or spring when the buds appear. I leave it running for the full 12 minutes, swelling with each drawn note. I close my eyes and hum. I'm hoping he'll understand. Most people don't.