Remembering Billie

Casper's [P.O.V.]

It's kind of bizarre that Billie told me everything about herself. Not enough that I know exactly who she is, but all the personal kind of stuff that people usually keep to themselves. I guess it might be because I told her a load of things about myself, including my condition. So maybe she wanted to make it even, or whatever? I don't know. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl who would do that, really. I sip my coffee and wait for Cherry to arrive, and its not long before she does. I smile when she enters the house. "Hey, Cherry." She gives me a bright smile, her red lips shining in the light. She sits down across from me and we begin our usual session. "How are you? What are your moods like?" Whilst I pour her a drink of Chamomile and Mint tea, I answer these questions as truthfully as I can. When I sit down and pass her, her drink, I finally say, "I've been having nightmares." Cherry swallows a large gulp of tea, and shakily puts down her cup. Her fingernails are blood red, matched to her mouth. "What about, Casper?" "Memories." I say, shrugging my shoulders, "About..?" She tries to coax more out of me. I sigh deeply, "My childhood. Situations I tried desperately to forget but obviously haven't." She asks how I handle the nightmares and I tell her, "I don't handle them. I just don't sleep at night." Her smile doesn't move, "Why?" "Because!" I throw up my hands, "That's when my parents sleep and that means that when I have a nightmare, they come running and end up tired the next day." She nods, "Yes, that makes sense. You don't want it to seem like you rely on them. So when do you sleep?" During the day," I answer. "Usually just as they leave for work. And then I get up late afternoon." She tells me there isn't much I can do about the nightmares except try not to let them get to me, to remember that they are dreams. They are not real. Or, was anyways. She gets up to leave, and briskly hugs me. "Goodbye, Cas! Take care of yourself!" I kind of sigh in relief when she leaves. Shes helped quite a bit, even if I can't notice that, myself. I know I'll get better. I'll find a way. For Billie, I have to.

I get up and go find something to eat. Mum and Dad usually have the kitchen raided most days, but I'll be sure to find something like two minute noodles. I find Beef Stir fry noodles in the pantry and rip open the packet. I empty them into a jug, add some water and shove it in the microwave for eight minutes. As I wait, I flick through my phone. It's not like I have any messages or notifications. I mean, I don't know anyone. "Ting!" The microwave wakes me from my hazy thoughts.  As I slurp up my noodles, my mind wanders to Billie. I wonder who she is? What school she goes to? Should I ask her? She'd probably tell me! I finish my bowl of stir fry noodles and place my dishes in the sink. She could live right next door to you? You could actually have a decent chance with her! Wait... I like her? Do I...? I halt in my steps. "Shit!" I say. "I like Billie Cray." I let out a laugh, hoarse and loud like a roar. I'm laughing now. I haven't felt like this in my entire life. A smile lights up on my face. I'm jumping and being a drama queen really, but I couldn't care. "I'm in love!" I yell and throw a couch pillow above my head. I want to talk to her now. But we promised 3:30 am and I thought the day would fly by like usual. It really isn't and my brain is aching to talk to her.

I plop down on the sofa with my laptop on my knee and google "Billie Cray, Indianapolis, Violin, Classic Sense." Those key words bring up over a thousand results including social media accounts. I decide to check out her Facebook. But I need an account for that, and I haven't got one, because, well, I haven't got any friends that I could 'Friend'. I quickly make an account and go onto her page. It's on public thankfully. Photos come up, including videos of her playing the violin. I close my eyes. This is the first time you're going to see her face. I really hope that she won't be what I'm not expecting. But what was I expecting? I click onto the first photo, my heart in my mouth. I'm scared shitless. I let out a long breath and open my eyes. There she is. She has a pretty heart shaped face with short curly brunette hair that flops over her eyes and comes to her chin. Her mouth is a wide bright smile that curves into her red, freckled cheeks. I can't see the colour of her eyes because she's mid laughter but she's wearing a short, striped tank top with her right arm wrapped around another girl with long pink, mermaid hair. The other girl is waving a rainbow flag. My stomach drops. Is Billie gay? The caption states "At Michigan Pride Parade with the bestie, Abigail!"  I know that 'bestie' could mean anything. I stare glumly at her for awhile until I move onto a video of Billie playing her violin. He eyes are again closed, and this time she's on a chair, Violin in the crook of her neck and hands poised. Her mouth is in a straight line and she's breathing deeply. "Go!" a voice from the sideline yelps. She breaks into a harmonious soothing beat, her fingers moving a mile a minute. I'm moved by it. My heart swells along with her violin, and I'm close to tears. To be honest, I didn't think she was this good. I didn't think she was this beautiful and amazing. And it makes my heart hurt even more because she wakes up at three in the morning just to talk to me. I feel tears streaming down my face but instead of them being from pain, this time, for the very first in my life, they're tears of happiness.