Remembering Billie

Casper's [P.O.V.]

For most nights now, I sit awake and do anything to keep myself busy. Anything so I don't fall asleep. I don't want to let Billie down. Usually I read, or sit and think of everything wrong in the world. But tonight, after all the sleepless nights, I just can't stay awake.

I slip into a hazy dream. The whole world is shiny and bright and I'm walking through my old Primary School. The sun beams down on boisterous kids as they bound to and from each other, laughing and jumping. Finally, I spot myself. It's really not that hard to figure out which one I am. I'm small and skinny, a pale ghostly white figure sitting on the ground in the corner by myself. I'm quivering and shaking and nibbling on a small strawberry jam, white bread sandwich. My hair is still the same bleach blonde, eerily white colour as it is now except Young Me's hair is sticking up all over the place. I smile, this was who I was.

Only a couple seconds later, my happy memory is shattered by a group of five or more boys, rough looking and angry who approach Young Me. The biggest one, is grinning and cracking his knuckles. The others crowd around him screeching, "Fight! Fight! Fight! FIGHT!" All of the other kids around the playground join in. I was 10 years old! Christ kids are horrible. One of the smallest pushes me until I stand up. I'm a shaking mess, just like he is. I know what's about to happen and I know, no matter how much I want to, I can't stop it. Young Me tilts his head to look at the enemy in the eye. "Piss off, Michael!" He says angrily. The biggest, now named Michael laughs - or is it a cackle? - and slams my lunch into the dirt. He looks me in the eyes, and smirks, "Casper, The Ghost." The children giggle like a pack of hyenas and join in, "Casper The Ghost! We can't see you, you're too skinny, you're too pale! You're a piece of paper but as thick as a tree!" They chant and chant, and finally, I throw a punch at Michael. The children scream and  spread out. Michael, crying, and bleeding grabs my neck and holds me up to his height. He glares at me, and whispers loud in my ear, "You're dead, Ghost." I'm shaking more than Young Me is. He's about to do something stupid and it hurts that I'm living through this again. Young Me spits. Right in Michael's face. He doubles back, and then, regains his composure, landing punches and kicks into me. I'm a small ball on the ground, cowering and not uttering a sound. After a couple minutes, the other children stop chanting and pull Michael off me. They leave me, an unconscious bleeding mess on the concrete.

Michael runs off, tending to his nose. I see teachers run for Young Me. One is screaming "911!" Into a phone, the others flopping me into the recovery position or shepherding kids inside. The ambulance sirens whir and squeal and flash in my eyes. I'm crying now. For myself, for the teachers, for this stupid dream. And I just wish I'd wake up.

I'm back. Back in reality and sobbing, screaming. My parents are with me, my mother grasping me in an embrace as she cries into my shoulder, "Wake up, Cas! Wake up, baby... It's just a dream, you're okay! You're okay, Casper!" Finally, I grab a hold on sanity and breathe, "I'm okay." I sniffle. "Yes." My father pulls Mum off and hugs me, wrapping me inside of his arms. "You're okay." He grabs mum and pulls her into his arms, as well, "We are okay."

It takes awhile, but after an hour of talking and Tea drinking, I coax my parents to go back to bed. I watch TV silently for half an hour after that, waiting until I'm sure that they're asleep before stumbling back up the stairs and into my bedroom. It's 3:30 AM which means Billie will be waiting. "Hi!" I say into the mic. "Hello!" She comes back cheerfully. For an hour, we talk, casually before Billie notices that something's wrong and says, "What happened?" Slowly I talk her over my dream and my parents and, in the end, my condition. When I've finished, she doesn't say much, just a quiet, "I care, Casper. I care about you." I tell her something back, "Great." I laugh, the mic cracks on her end, "Greater." "No," I'm smiling now, she has that affect on me. "Greatest, Billie. Greatest."

We end our call and I flop onto my bed. I chug a Mother and then set to work organizing my Vinyl Records into Alphabetical order as a way of staying awake. Once I've done that, I do the same with my books, and remake my bed. By then, the sun is up and my parents are making breakfast downstairs. I sit and wait for them to leave, but instead my father comes up with a bowl of cereal and my medication. He passes it over to me and watches as I eat, and take my stupid pill. Then, he hugs me, takes my bowl, and rushes downstairs.

They leave quickly after that and I allow myself to fall asleep. This is what I do most of the time. I have a fucked up sleep cycle, I know. But this way my parents can get sleep and so can I. Also, this way, they don't have to worry about me. I don't need people worrying over me. That would be a tragedy.

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Hiiiiiiii! This is probably going to be the last chapter for a wee while as I go back to school soon and I need time to get myself back into my schedules and routines. Anyways, I hope this chapter makes up for me not writing much over the holidays. Did you guys like the 'dream' Idea. I'm not exactly sure of "Michael" He seems like an ass, doesn't he?! Haha!! Leave a 'vote' If you love Billie and Casper as much as I do!

-Venus