Remembering Billie

Casper's [P.O.V.]

"Geez... I have no clue. Absolutely no idea!" I'm searching on my laptop for everything that could possibly be Billie's song. It's been taking me all afternoon but I'm determined to find it. I'm still sitting, searching and thinking by the time my parents arrive home. Mum comes up and says hello. I sit patiently and talk to her until she leaves. When she leaves, an idea pops into my head. Why don't I just google the biggest pieces of classical music and see if that does anything to help? I could end up finding it. I find a playlist on YouTube with over 120 songs included and sink into the covers of my bed. I plug in my earphones and drone out the world, listening to the symphonic harmonies of Billie's favourite music.

"THIS IS IT!" I shriek. I sit up straight and blast the song into my ears. Fiddling with my phone, I see the name: "Antonin Dvorak - New World Symphony ~Largo~" It's 3 AM and thank God I've finally found it. After what, 12 hours listening to pieces over and over again, I have finally found Billie's Song. I don't really know much about the song so I sit thinking for a while trying to figure it out. It's called New World Symphony. Which could imply, change or, yeah, a 'New World'. I listen to it again as I google the history behind the piece. "This symphony, Dvorak's most popular in an international context, was written during the first year of the composer's . An ideal set of circumstances had presented themselves by this stage in his career: strong impressions of his new environment, financial independence, a sense of his role as an "ambassador" of Czech music." Said an Analysis website. (http://www.antonin-dvorak.cz/en/symphony9) I look into it a little further before I realize that my first idea was probably the right one and the website proved it as well. Her life is changing and by the tune of the song, it's jaunty and all of the place. ""Hello?" I leap out of bed and bound over to my radio, "Hi, Billie!" She giggles, "How are you?" "I'm alright, I figured out your song." "Yeah? So what is it, then?" I pull out a piece of paper, "New World Symphony by Antonin Dvorak." I smile, "Yeah!" She laughs, "You're right. And you know the meaning behind it?" "I think so," I tell her, "Well?" I take a deep breath, "Your world is changing, its jaunty and somewhat all over the place just like Antonin's world was at the time of his writing the composition." She's quiet for a moment before her voice, snuffly, croaks out, "Yes, yeah, thank you, Casper..." I'm highly embarrassed, I just care and I wanted to show her that but I didn't think she'd appreciate it that much. "No-one, absolutely no-one has ever cared that much to understand, Casper, it means a lot, you mean a lot." I'm smiling from ear to ear, "Your welcome, Billie, you mean a lot to me and that's why I put so much effort into understanding." She laughs, "Thank you, my world is, it's changing and there's nothing I can do to change it..." "Of course you can't, you can't control the world, Billie, you're just living in it."  "I-I know..." "But that doesn't mean you should put up with shit that happens, either." "I never know how to handle anything.-" "No, you can handle your situations, just not your emotions." "Crap, yeah, I'm way too emotional.. And it sucks..." I sigh, "There's nothing wrong with anger, at least you feel things, Billie, it only hurts because it matters."

Our conversation lasts for more than usual, and its most likely because I know she needs me, and she knows she can count on me. I like that someone trusts me, that someone understands me and is willing to take all of my flaws and adore them as much as my talents. Its a new feeling and its a pretty beautiful one, too. I smile, "Billie?" "Yes?" "I care about you." "I know you do, it's really great." "Greater." "Greatest." By the time we say our goodbyes, it's 6 AM and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. I stumble to my bed and fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow. "Casper! Get up!" I groan, and pull the pillow over my face but my father grabs it off me. "Pill, please." I sit up in bed and chug down the pill. "Breakfast." He says, "I'll have some soon." I tell him, trying not to grimace. He sighs, and runs his hands through the last few strands of his hair, "Okay. Have a good day, we love you."

I arise from bed at 2 PM and leave my room, my stomach rumbling and my head... Surprisingly clear. Wow. I laugh to myself, this is what I get for not drinking for a day or so. I squirm out of bed and throw on some clothes, before gliding down the banister to the kitchen. "Hey, Mum, Dad!" I singsong as I enter the kitchen, "Hiya, love." Mum replies, handing me a bowl of cereal. I plonk into the seat and chow down on my cereal. Dad brings me over a cup of coffee and they both sit down opposite from me. "Cas, we need to talk." Mum frowns at me, "You're getting better and heck we're proud..." I nod, and continue to slowly munch away at my food. "But, you're falling behind in school." "What?" I drop my spoon and frown at them, "No I'm not! I'm taking extension classes!" Dad sighs, "Grade Ten Extension classes, Cas, you're in Grade Twelve now." I sink into my seat and nibble at my finger nails. Mum reaches out and grabs my hands, holding them in hers. "We know you're a smart, lovely boy..." I focus on her hands, staring over the jeweled rings which adorn her dainty acrylic fingers. "But we worry for your education." I sigh, "Mum, there are plenty of jobs which don't require High school Graduation-" "Low paying, shitty jobs, Casper." My father casts me a stern look. I'm shaking by now. I can't go back to public school! Not now! Billie could be there! And all of my old classmates... And bullies... "Mum, what do I have to do?" I mutter at the table. "Go back to school."