On Hold..sorry:( - Humana Lupus

Authors' Note- I'm sorry!:'(

*Peeks head out from behind a tree*

...Hey guys...

I'm sorry I haven't updated since February😢

I've just been so busy with GCSE Mocks & I've been going through a rough time recently.

For a while now, I've been feeling really down. It started getting worse around October & it started affecting my school work.
Then something happened in December resulting in people hating me & me hating myself.. It's nothing too bad! Just mistakes on a school trip but yeah. That night I got really dark thoughts & I started writing my suicide note but stopped when I got to writing to my sister. Yeah, I didn't try anything that night.
After that, I got thoughts more & more often. By the end of January I had grown apart from my mates.
One lunch, I had a packet of Paracetamol in front of me. I was so close to overdosing but I ended up breaking down. Most of my form ended up finding out when I told my old best friends who I thought I could trust. They haven't looked at me the same again. They all act fake around me. 'Safe'. It's actually quite painful😹
Word also got out about me & this shit😸 A girl who was friends with my old best friend came up to me & tried to talk to me about it. She said that I had no reason to think these thoughts. She's right. I have no reason. No real reason. but it's not like I can stop these thoughts. They're still there, haunting me.
Anyway, I went for a night out with my band, our 'roadie' & the drummer's other friend, 'cos ya' know, why not? I thought it could get my mind off of things😸 But yeah, I had never met Leah(the drummer)'s friend before. We got to the club where we were meeting him & something was there. Cheesey, yeah, but true😹 We found out I'd followed him on Instagram 'cos he's followed our band's Instagram. We got along like a house on fire😋 After that night, we've talked to each other almost every night(except one night when I was in Paris in April) & since February we've got together(it's our 2 month next Thursday😋) 😝
Ugh, I keep going off track😹 After I'd met Harvey(my boyfriend), I stopped getting the thoughts. I grew closer to my band & I became happier.
Then, around the end of March, it came out of nowhere & consumed me once again. Earlier this month, I was planning that dark stuff for this time next year.. but I told my bestest & closest friend(Hi Shaydn!) who's been there through everything & she flipped shit & got upset & told me I had to tell Harvey. Yeah, I ended up telling him & he's persuaded me not to😶

Short story short, I think about suicide every day & I have an amazing best friend & boyfriend who try to help me through it.

Please don't hate, guys😢

Thank goodness only a few of you know me in real life😹😹😹

I promise you all I'll have an update or 2 by the end of Summer👍

I'd just like to say thank you to those readers who have stayed here!😝 You duckies mean the world to me & I love you all so, so much!🙊💋🐥💗

If you don't hate me, please can you wish me luck for my Science GCSE's next Friday, the Tuesday after & the Thursday after that? GCSE's are big exams in the UK that you have throughout Year 10 & 11(9th & 10th grade) that basically decide your future.

Thanks for reading, even if you do hate me☺️🌸💗

- C xxxxx