Conflicted: A Reylo Fanfic

Mourning

Rey straightened, feeling the distinct but subtle shift in the Force. Though she had known it was coming, the moment of General Leia Organa's passing nevertheless struck her with poignant weight. Bowing her head in grief, she smoothly and discreetly made her way out of the common area. The rest of the Resistance would find out about its profound loss soon enough. She didn't need to bear the tidings herself.

As she reached her chamber, Rey became aware of another weight in the Force, a heart-wrenching misery that tore at her very soul. And she knew she wasn't the only one to have noticed the general's departure from the Force.

Rey stumbled quickly into her room, sensing that she might have an unannounced visitor very soon. Securing the door tight behind her and leaning against it, she squeezed her eyes shut. She knew she shouldn't want to see him, but her sudden need to do so was overwhelming. He was in so much pain that she could feel it, and it tore her in two.

It had been weeks now since she'd last spoken to him. Remaining true to her internal vow, she had not called for him, not even once. Nevertheless, she'd felt him slip in to check on her a few times, but she actively ignored him each time, most often simply turning her back toward him, less often sparing a moment to glare angrily at him. Fortunately, he may have been many things, but stupid wasn't one of them. He never lingered long, and he never attempted to force her into any conversation she wasn't willing to have. But it had been several days now since she'd last felt the thickening of the air that heralded his presence. Unless he'd managed to check in on her while she was sleeping — which was both a very distinct and rather disturbing possibility — he'd left her alone entirely. As much as she hated to admit it, she found the absence notable.

Reaching out into the Force, she actively sought the familiarity of Kylo's consciousness for the first time. As the air settled heavy around her, Rey wondered if she had initiated their bond through the Force. Swiftly deciding the ease of their connection on this occasion was likely due to the weight of their shared grief, she was also forced to admit to herself that the feel of his presence in the Force had become comforting, that she missed it when it wasn't with her. Suppressing these thoughts, she opened her eyes to find Kylo before her, crouched on his knees, his forehead pressed to the floor between his tightly clenched fists, shoulders shuddering with silent sobs.

Rey hesitated, wanting to call his name softly but unsure which one to use, wanting to reach out to comfort him but uncertain her touch would be welcome. But as she observed him, she felt her heart break for him, fully aware of the magnitude of grief that brought him to such a state. And it was with both surprise and expectation that she felt tears streaming from her eyes.

Alerted by some subtle sound or awareness that bypassed her consciousness, Kylo turned abruptly, his grief turning instantly to anger the moment he saw her.

"Get out!" he shouted viciously. "I don't want you here!"

"Ben..."

Rey knew the moment the syllable left her lips that it was the absolute worst thing she could have said. Kylo's rage pulsed through the Force, staggering her with its weight as he flew to his feet to confront her, towering close over her, intimidating her.

"You never wanted anything to do with me before," he raged wildly. "Why should it be any different now?"

Rey stared up into his eyes, knowing the deep anguish that hid behind the fury they exuded. She stood up straight to him, refusing to be cowed by the proximity of either his height or his anger. Neither did she attempt to hide her own grief, as well as her empathy for his pain. After a moment of staring deeply into one another's gaze, Rey saw his composure crack, a flash of anguish surfacing through the wrath.