Conflicted: A Reylo Fanfic

Reunion

Slowly, cautiously, Rey took a deep breath, only then attempting to open her eyes. Ben sat before her, holding her hands, and his eyes opened, flooding with tears as rapidly as hers did.

"I thought you were dead," he whispered, and she nodded.

"Luke made you think that. He didn't want you looking for me."

"I thought it was my fault you died. I dreamt about it over and over. I'd wake up screaming every night until..."

Until he'd begged Snoke to block all his memories of her. She nodded, a tear tracking down her cheek as she realized the Supreme Leader had probably recognized his new star pupil would be no good to him filled with remorse over the death of a six-year-old girl.

"You carried me to the forest that night," she told him, eliciting a nod. "You left me there and said you were going to fix it. Where did you go?"

He took a deep breath. "There were others with me. Other students that Snoke had been talking to and manipulating, same as me."

"Cerisse."

He nodded. "Yes, she was one of them. I went back to stop them, to help them realize how wrong it all was."

"But they didn't want to hear it."

"No. They were too angry, too amped up on the power of it all. They knocked me out and took me with them. That's why I didn't come back for you."

"Why was it different for you?"

"You," he answered simply. "I was every bit as far gone as they were, until I heard you in my head. Your fear broke through my anger and made me realize what I was doing."

Rey looked down at their hands joined so tight together, reflecting on that pivotal night and how everything since then could have been so different, if only that night had been different. With that realization, a fresh flood of tears collected and overwhelmed Rey's eyes.

"I wish you had stayed with me in the forest," Rey whispered.

"I do, too," he choked suddenly, anguished weeping quickly overtaking him. "Oh, gods, Rey. I do, too."

Moved by his evident heartache, Rey climbed her way deftly into his arms, holding him close as they both wept in each other's embrace. She imagined everything he'd lost since that night so many, many years ago, all the agony he'd endured and caused since then. If only she'd been able to get him to stay with her, they could have faced the galaxy together after that. He could have returned to his parents, knowing he'd made a horrible mistake, but still able to redeem himself for having recognized the error of his ways. Master Luke could have helped him find a way to combat the venomous voice in his head and she would have been able to help. They could have been together all their lives as the Force had intended, and he never would have needed to be turned back from the Dark Side. All, and likely more, if only a little six-year-old girl had cried a little longer, begged a little harder, made him stay and keep her safe.

Slowly, the turmoil in them both calmed and their breathing eased. But, as it did, new thoughts came to Rey's mind. Pulling away from him a little, she looked into Ben's face, his eyes rimmed in red, but calmer and beginning to accept the things neither of them could change. He smiled weakly and lifted a hand to smooth tears from her cheek.

"What you told me about Luke...standing over you when you slept?"

He nodded, confirming she meant the night his uncle had briefly considered murdering him, even though she couldn't bring herself to utter those precise words.

"Was that the same night as the fire?"

He nodded again. "Snoke had been trying to convince me and the others to leave for weeks, ideally with lots of chaos and mayhem. When Luke confronted me, I flew into a rage. Snoke sensed that and told the rest of them it was time. By the time I'd escaped Luke, they were already..." He took a deep, shaky breath. "...murdering and setting fires."