2am Habits (Bill Skarsgård love story)

Chapter 3

I want to sneak out at 2 am.
I want to feel like I'm doing the complete opposite of what's good for me.

I want to know what it feels like to hurt for someone
To feel the stinging sensation of desire on lonely Friday nights

Tell myself I'm dumb for running back
But do it regardless

I want to feel like nothing is wrong when I look into his eyes
I want my heart to feel it all

That's what I want

I want my heart to feel it all

"Ella" I heard Mrs.Lowell say interrupting my thoughts. The class had emptied out and I had waited for Mrs.Lowell to go over my recent writing assignment with me.

"How did I do?" I asked sounding a bit insecure.

"Well I could see that you did try" she said.

"But it does not feel authentic" she added.

"I don't want to assume but have you ever" she said trailing off.

"You know.. experienced a heart break?" She asked. I assumed my eyes gave her the exact answer she was looking for because she immediately stood up with a gentle sigh.

"The day you feel that aching pain"

"Those sleepless nights"

"Endless 2 am thoughts"

"You will write about it and it will all come pouring out like rainy nights, and you will be cars parked outside covered in cold rain, and only then will you understand" she said as she gave me a warm smile.

I bit my lip in concentration, mentally agreeing with everything she said.

"One day" I said as I stood up collecting my things.

"One day" she said smiling back.

"I'm hooooome" I said as I walked into the small apartment.

"Hey hey hey" my roommate Jessica greeted me as she flipped over a pancake on the pan.

"Pancakes at 1pm?" I joked as I dropped my bag onto the couch.

"Never too early or late for pancakes" she scoffed as she turned her attention back onto the stove.

"Count me in then" I said as I took a seat at the kitchen table.

"So I guess I haven't been heart broken enough to write a tear jerking paper about it" I sighed as I played with the salt shakers on the table. Jessica had brought them back from her trip to Cuba.

She turned around to set the pancakes on the 2 plates that laid patiently on the kitchen counter.

"Well" she said as she opened up the jar of Nutella.

"One day you will" she said as she gave me a hopeful smile, not taking her eyes off the weirdly shaped pancakes that were anything but round.

"And when you do" she said.

"Let me know ahead of time so I can run to the closest grocery store and buy a shit ton of ice cream and chips" she said as she set a plate in front of me before taking a seat next to me.

She looked at me and must have seen my sort of sad face because she gently placed her hand on my lap before speaking.

"It's not a pretty thing to be heart broken" she said trying to make me feel better.

I looked at her with a blank stare before I responded.

"No" I whispered

"It's a beautiful thing" I said.

"You ready?" Jessica said as she peeked her head around my room door.

"Always" I said as I picked up my bag. I fixed my jean jacket before walking out my room. Jessica and I had decided to get hotdogs at a local diner at midnight with some friends. Something we always did on Friday nights.

We walked down the chilly streets trying to hurry. The streetlights looked so beautiful at night. It was such a crazy thing.

It was such a crazy thing to be walking next to strangers you don't know, next to people that might be the happiest people in the world or the saddest and you would never know.

We felt the familiar warmth of the diner greet us as the sound of the bells on the door rang. We looked around before taking a seat next to our group of friends like we usually did Friday nights.

But tonight

Tonight felt different.

We were all laughing at some dumb joke one of us had made and most of us had overdosed on hot dogs and could barely laugh without the buttons on our jeans threatening to pop off.

It had began to rain outside, but none of us seemed to care because somehow we felt like nothing mattered at the moment.

I don't know why
And
I don't know how

But I decided to look up at the other diner tables, curious to see who occupied them this late at night. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until my heart stopped beating for a split second.

Those green eyes.

This time I didn't look away.
I told myself to stay.

When you're looking into someone's eyes, someone who you might like or be in love with, even having a slight interest in them, seconds feel like eternity.
It feels like everything stopped moving around you, or maybe you stopped moving around everything.

You stop laughing along with your friends like I did. You stop being interested in the conversation they are having that you were curious about seconds before. You forget that it's raining outside or that its 2 in the morning.

All you can focus on

Are those eyes

All I can focus on

Are those green eyes