2am Habits (Bill Skarsgård love story)

Chapter 11

It had been 2 weeks with no text or call from Bill and I had too much pride to make the first move. Every time Jessica asked about that night, the same one I was slowly beginning to regret, I would dodge the topic. I didn't want to tell her that it was a hit and quit it type of situation, that Bill got what he wanted (that I gave him what he wanted) and just like that, he disappeared.

Truth be told...I was hurt. Almost ashamed.

But I put this on myself. I took a bite of the apple from the toxic tree that was Bill's intentions. I was warned and yet just like Eve..

I fell for it.

That didn't mean I had to fall for Bill though. I could carry on with my boring life and take pride in knowing I had slept with a celebrity. It could be a story I told when I had too much to drink with my girls at a local bar. I could use it against any guy who tried to do me sideways.

"Well I slept with an actor so who are you to be treating me like this?" I would say in order to protect my pride from getting more damaged than it already was. It was stupid, I know. But it was the only way I could cope with the feelings I was drowning in.

I feel like I'm drowning

I'd see Bill on tv and try not to think about how his skin looked under the moonlight. The way his body felt on top of mine. It would make my skin burn with desire but I would act like nothing ever happened. I would carry on with my day, and not realize that these thoughts would follow me to bed and keep me company at 2 am.

I'd be drowning in my own thoughts

I sat on the small table that decorated the outside of the cafe. The same cafe Bill and I had shared our first words. I tried not to think about it too much. I didn't want to cave into my thoughts, it was all too much.

My pen danced in my fingers in a rhythmic manner as I looked out towards the heavy traffic that filled the streets. It was around 2 in the afternoon and it was warm out.

I bit my lip in concentration as I thought of the next words to write down. I had decided that now was the perfect time to start on my Heartbreak writing assignment again. I had dipped my toes in the pool pain and loss and I felt ready.

Little did I know

A sudden vibration of my phone stopped me before my pen touched the paper. Somehow I managed to look up instead of looking down at my phone, something I believe the universe had planned.

My eyes immediately fell onto green ones, and once again I felt myself falling.

I tried looking away.
I tried pretending my eyes had skipped his.
But I felt myself sit still frozen in place.

My heart sunk when his eyes looked away from mine, dismissing me. I cleared my throat awkwardly as my eyes fell onto the paper in front of me. My coffee untouched. I checked my phone and noticed Jessica had texted me.

"Need to talk to you" -Jessica

I didn't respond due to the moment and instead tried to focus on my assignment.

Bill continued to sit at the table across from me, waiting for whoever he was with. He looked at everything except at me and that made it hurt even more. I felt my mouth go dry when a young blonde woman sat in front of him. He greeted her like they had known each other. I told myself that it wasn't what I thought it was, but those hopeful thoughts came crashing down when she leaned over to place a kiss on the same lips that had been on mine a couple nights ago.