to: love that soothes

10

i know i am of chewed nails and roughly cut hair and my fingers are nowhere near delicate and there's something about my presence that makes people want to leave and i don't like watching movies with people because it makes me feel limited while i want to burst out crying and laughing obnoxiously and i cry when a dog died or when the long lost father is not what he expected him to be or when the wars take so many things that could've stayed a little longer

but i think i can have you around--no i want to--and we can sit on the couch with blankets and popcorn and dim lights while you can laugh at the plots and i'll watch you trying to memorize the characters' names and you can watch me cry over little things like broken bridges or a kid that couldn't get the concert ticket for his favorite's band

and at times i don't like to have people pat my head because it makes me feel small and pitiful and i always think too much that sometimes when people put their arms around me i have this feeling of getting choked or when they hug me i almost can feel a knife stabbed into my back

i have always lived in tension and i watch movies to make me feel safer and to let go

so now i

want to

watch movies

with you.