to: love that soothes

30

years and years, i wish people happiness on their best days. and then i learned to wish them to not forget to be happy. i thought it is a better wish. don't forget to be happy. it is a prayer, a reminder;

but it's not fair. it's not like you can control it.

if we can remember what we want to remember, if we are able to not forget things we don't want to forget, maybe we live in the wrong universe. because that's not how it works, because it doesn't just lay dormant in a comfortable compartment at the core of your soul ready to wake whenever you want to, because our mom, she will remind us about our umbrella, our hat, our keys, but we forget them anyway, aren't we?

most of the times, still, i want you to be happy. but more than that, i want to be able to remind you about happiness when you forget because it's hard to remember it sometimes. i want you to know that it's okay to ask for help even when it is your own luggage to carry.

and more, more than happiness, there are also fears, my love, and fears, they live inside our veins and run between our bones. maybe we fear something furry; cats and dogs and rabbits. maybe something sharp; knives and needles. maybe something that chokes; darkness and cold. sometimes, we want our fears to vanish. too many times, we just want them to be understood. and i want you to know i'm a quick learner, and i learn things in silence, without asking too many questions, and i can accept your fears through and through, as unexplainable as it might be.

you may not want to believe me, or maybe you can't, but my love, my good sir, there are two things i am afraid of and yet i still want to say it to you because damn it it makes you happy, so with all the candles and all the fireworks that make me want to collapse;

happy birthday, and happy new year too.

i hope you don't forget to be happy, but even when you do, i'll help you to remember. i hope you make peace with your fears, and i'll learn them too, and we can hold them together within our palms.

-- sorry it's a little late. it takes time to face your fears, isn't it?