Pain, Love & Desire

Chapter 4| Risking

Follow your fucking heart- Alyssa

"What is it Ryan?" I said out of annoyance.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

I looked at him, he was soaking wet. The rain was falling on both of us as it pitter pattered against the side panels of the apartments.

I pulled out my keys looking for the one that had CVU engraved in it and I unlocked the door.
"Yes, come in, you're all wet."

I dropped my keys on a round table by the door and I sat down on my sofa, Ryan soon joined me. Ryan stared at me as if he was trying to read my mood. Trying to read my soul.

"Ryan..." I started.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sorry. I came here to tell you that I...I love you." He was sitting with his hands hanging over his thighs looking at the carpet.

"Well I love you too? Is that all you came here for Ry?" Did he really just waste my time like this? He could've text me this. Or called if he wanted too.

"No Mya Elise. I am in love with you. It's not a walk in the park to love you. With the ghosting, and mood changes. One second you can't stand me, then your normal Mya again, It's hard. But I can't deny that you're worth all of it. Every fucking second. I am here now because after all this time, all these years, I have tried to deny my feelings for you. But after everything, I've come to terms with the fact that Im in love with you. i Even on our worst days, I'm still in love with you. I tried to take the weight of the world off your shoulders, So our situation can be easier. But it's not seeming to make anything change. I need to know right now how you feel about me. Am I wasting my time?" He asked.

It took me a second to take it all in. It's not like I didn't know any of this but I was dreading the moment where he would actually tell me. All I have been doing is avoiding this exact conversation. I don't want the labels. I just want him. But I know it was time to stop playing with his feelings.A relationship was too serious. Too much commitment. But I couldn't lose him just for the reason that I was scared of commitment.

"I love you Ryan. I really do. But I am scared. Scared of the unknown. I'm willing to try only if you promise to go back to being my friend if this crashes." I said hoping that was a well enough answer for him

He scooted closer to me and kissed my cheek softly and gave me a hug.

"Of course baby" He said.

"Okay but I really have a lot of work to do before our first day tomorrow" I laughed pushing him away.

He chuckled while walking to my kitchen to prepare us some hot chocolate. "Since I'm here on scholarship, I'm forced to be up bright and early for football conditioning" he said stirring the cups and pouring marshmallows in them.

I did some of my syllabus work that were already available online, while Ryan kept me company. After I finished the syllabus assignments, I opened my laptop to check my emails. I needed to see the grounds of this project and if it was really worth the trouble of dealing with Jace. It was the first email at the top. I opened it and checked the document. After reading it, I realized Jace was right. We needed to do this.

The document explained that at the end of the year after we get people on board with our topic, there will be an event held. If we were able to get 400 people at the event, We would pass the project. This project would be worth 4 college credits, and at the event there will be some of the worlds most famous photographers and videographers, scouting us out.

I already made my decision. I would go talk to the headmaster in the morning. I decided to go talk to Jace so we can go together. Ryan was asleep on the couch and we both had empty mugs that were before filled to the rim of hot cocoa in front of us.

I grabbed my jacket and I put on some slippers so I could go knock on the door.

It was freezing outside when I stepped out. I rushed to Jace's door. There was a gorilla symbol on the welcome mat, I found it weird. I knocked three times. He took forever to answer and once he realized it was me an angry expression came across his face. He was shirtless with black basketball shorts barely covering his V-Line. The same gorilla symbol was tattooed in the middle of his chest. Weirdo.

"What the fuck do you want? I'm in the middle of something." He barked. Jace was tall. At least 6 inches over me. He looked down, scanning my body waiting for an answer.

"Babe hurry up, I can't wait any longer" A soft voice said. It was coming from his apartment.

"Yeah I see. Don't worry she will be still there when I'm done. I've decided to take Headmasters' offer for the project so we should go see him together around 8AM tomorrow." I spoke.

"Sure whatever." He said as he slammed the door in my face.

What a complete asshole.

I walked back to my apartment and cuddled up next to Ryan on the couch. As I laid there, I thought about how right it felt to be in his arms. Maybe this can work