5th March 2018
Reece's POV
I carefully knock on the door to Aspen's room and step in when I hear Claire - Aspen's mum - telling me to come in.
The walls are painted in orange and yellow and everywhere are flowers. The hospice room looks nicer than the hospital room. It looks like a much friendlier and nicer place to die.
I know that it could happen every day, but I have still not accepted the fact that Aspen is going to die. She is the strongest and most joyful person I know. I just can't imagine her dying.
As I enter the room my eyes meet Aspen's. I smile at her and she returns the smile. For a moment I hope that she recognises me but then she turns to her mum and even though she whispers, I hear her say: "Who this?"
"This is Reece, your boyfriend." Claire whispers back and right when I reach the bed, Claire hugs me. After she lets go of me, I go over to Aspen and put my hand over hers to say hello to her.
Her gaze is distant but I can spot a faint smile on her lips. She's come to that stage that her speech is very slurred and she's about to lose the ability to talk at all. I know that it will not take longer than a month until she loses the ability to move and eventually, fall into a coma.
I come here every day even though she said she didn't want me to see her like that. I just can't abandon her.
Even though she asks her mum who I am every day, this question hurts me the most. I know it's not her fault but it still hurts.
I still don't comprehend how we have been so close - inseparable - only eleven months ago and now she doesn't even remember me anymore.
Aspen has Creutzfeldt-Jakob-disease, also called CJD. Usually, it appears later in life and the doctors don't know why, but Aspen got it at the age of only 19. It is a condition that causes brain damage and appears to be caused by an infectious protein called a prion. These prions accumulate at high levels in the brain and cause irreversible damage to brain cells. The doctors don't know why this happens which is why they also don't know why Aspen has it even though she's still so young.
At first, Aspen just suffered from occasional memory loss and mixing up words and their meanings. Her mum says her personality changed but I can't judge that, I have only known her for eleven months. Later her speech slurred and sometimes she jerked abnormally.
She will eventually fall into a coma or die from infection because CJD makes people suffering from the disease vulnerable to infection.
I sit down on the chair next to the bed and look at Aspen. Even though she is very pale and surrounded by machines, monitors and tubes, she is still the most beautiful girl I know.
"I have something for you." I say and get the notebook out of my backpack. "Are you excited to see it?"
"Yes." A smile creeps on Aspen's face that could light up an entire room. "What's it?"
"A week ago you asked me to tell you about us because you can barely remember anything we did."
"Yeah..." Aspen says but I'm not sure if she even understands what I'm saying. That happened often during the last week. She just nods but you're never really sure if she understands what you're saying.
"So right after you asked me to tell you about us, our story, how we met... I went home and started to write it all down so I can read it to you." In fact, I had written it as quickly as I could because I was afraid Aspen would pass away before I could tell her our story.
"Do you want me to read it to you?" I ask her and hold her hand. I am very excited to do this because I hope that it makes her remember me at least a tiny bit. Or gives her the feeling that she knows me. But it won't last anyway, you can't expect that from someone who is suffering from dementia.
"Read a story?" Aspen asks and smiles. I nod and return her smile.
"Yes, read a story to you." I confirm.
"Yes please. I like stories." Aspen tells me.
Claire stands up and gives me a compassionate smile.
"I will leave you two alone so you have some privacy. I'll be in the cafeteria if you need me." She says and leaves the room.
I open the notebook and stare down at the pages, at the hastily scribbled letters and swallow. I'm not sure if I can do this, if I will be able to read it to her but Aspen can't read it on her own anymore, she has trouble recognising the letters and words. They don't add up in her head anymore.
I ignore my nervousness and start reading while Aspen leans back in her bed, closes her eyes and listens to my voice.
