Maybe this is where I belong...

Chapter 19.

hi readers! chapter 19 is here, so enjoy :) hopefully ill post chapter 20 within the next few weeks, so keep reading:)

AMELIA'S POV:
I sat in the court room with my moms on either side of me as I saw his face. Dark hair, stubble around his face, and what killed me most is that he looked like a good man. Looking at him made me sick. My moms could tell I was staring so Stef wrapped her arm around my waist and hugged it tight. Mariana, Jesus, and B couldn't watch the trial happen because Stef and Lena didn't want them to, but Callie was here. I'm thankful that she was being so brave and testifying on my behalf. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself somewhere peaceful, and the place where my mind took me was on a stage. Just dancing my problems away, like I usually do. That's all I have ever wanted to do. I quickly opened my eyes to see the judge, getting ready for what is about to happen. I looked to my lawyer, Laura. She gave me hopeful eyes. I trust her. Everything is going to be okay.

STEF'S POV:
"Wh-what do you mean it didn't go well? Are you kidding me mom? Where is Ami and Mama?" Jesus panicked. I ran my hands through my blonde hair and let out a big sigh. I was sitting with my kids and Callie outside the courthouse trying to explain to them what happened.
"Mom this is bullshit!" B responded. All of my kids were just as upset as I was.
"Can we all take a breather? Yes?" I, too took a breather.
"I can tell you guys what happened. But please don't interrupt." They all nodded in response.
"He was found not guilty of assault and rape. The jury didn't think Ami's testimony or Callie's testimony was valid enough and they believed the police officer's and the social worker's. He is getting parole for statutory rape, and-and staying on the sex offender registry. And-and that's uh, all that happened. I don't know what else to say, you guys."
My children's faces were numb. They looked broken, heartbroken. A tear shed from each of their faces and I opened my arms to embrace all of them, Callie included.
"Where are they?" Mariana asked, sniffling back her tears.

AMELIA'S POV:
This all felt like a dream. Actually, scratch that. A fucking nightmare. The man who raped and beat me, gets to walk free? What kind of world do I live in? Why is my life a constant terror? I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't comprehend what had happened. I was sitting on the bathroom floor of the courtroom, breathing into a paper bag. Feeling fragile, and most importantly, numb. I am numb. Lena was next to me, helping me breathe and holding me in her arms. This is what rock bottom feels like.
"Amelia baby. Keep breathing, okay?" Lena whispered in my ear, "You're okay, love. You're safe."
I did not want to get off of this floor. I would be perfectly happy to stay on his bathroom floor for the rest of my life. What did I do wrong? How did I let my life get this bad?
I took the paper bag off of my mouth and turned my head to meet my mom's eyes.
"What did I do wrong, mama?"
"Oh, my love," she held me tight, like it was the last time she would ever hold me, "you did nothing wrong. You are strong, you are brave, you are my Ami." She said as she rocked me in her arms.
We stayed like that for a while. Just me and Lena, me in her arms. It was the only thing making me feel better. Just then, the bathroom door opened and I jumped out of her arms, and practically out of my skin.
"It's me baby girl. It's just me." Stef sat down next to me and took over for Lena. Stef's embrace felt the same as Lena's, but I felt protected in Stef's arms. I continued to cry and cry until I had no tears left. I wasn't keeping track of time, but we were in the bathroom for probably an hour.
"Are they still out there? W-waiting for me?' I choked up. I felt guilty. I felt guilty because so many people were supporting me by coming to this, only to get the worst outcome imaginable.
"No, sweets. B drove everyone home." Stef answered.
I wanted to stay on the floor of this bathroom for the rest of my life. I never wanted to face reality. I think the one thing that terrified me the most is that he is still a free man. And he could do what he did to me to another girl if he tried hard enough. Tears wouldn't stop streaming from my face and my heart kept beating a mile a minute. Stef lifted my chin from her chest and looked me straight in the eyes, "We're going to get a restraining order on him, okay love?" She said and I continued to sob.
"Baby listen to me. Breathe for me." Stef and I took breaths together just like we did a couple weeks ago when she found out about the anonymous texts.
"You are safe with Mama and me. You hear me?" She would not break eye contact with me. I nodded my head and kept nodding my head as they both hugged me and kissed me. I soon realized that sitting on this bathroom floor made me feel weak and powerless, so I got up and Stef and Lena got up as well.
"You wanna go home now baby?" Lena asked with her arm around me protectively.
"Yeah." I responded in a monotone voice.

I sat in the back of the car staring out the window, my mind thinking about one thing, and one thing only. Patrick. Looking at him when the jury made their final decision and how he smiled, relieved.

I didn't want to back home. I didn't want to face my siblings and have them give me sympathetic looks. I did not want anybody to pity me. I spent all day reliving the most horrific moments of my life only to have it not mean anything. Only to have it mean parole and him staying on the freaking sex offender list.

We pulled into the driveway and Stef put the car in park and looked at me through the rear view mirror.
"How's my baby girl doing back there?"
"Oh just great." I replied sarcastically. I got out of the car not wanting to get into the details with Stef and Lena about how I wanted nothing more than to disappear from my own life.

I walked into the entryway of the house with Mariana and Jesus in the kitchen whispering.
"I just don't know what i'm gonna say to her. I mean what do you say to your little sister who has been through this kind of shit?" Jesus whispered.
"I don't know, Jesus. I guess we just have to be there for her if she needs it. But something tells me she is going to be closed off."
I walked into the kitchen, feeling annoyed and pissed off because of people constantly talking about me.
"Hey, Ami." Jesus said sympathetically. I walked past him and Mariana, opened the fridge, grabbed a water bottle and headed upstairs to be alone. I was used to being alone. Over the years I had gotten very good at it.

MARIANA'S POV:
"I thought you didn't know what you were going to say to her. You probably pissed her off even more!" I yelled in a harsh whisper to my brother followed by a slap on the arm.
"What am I supposed to do? Not say hi when she walks in the room?" Jesus responded with his arms up. We continued to bicker until moms walked in the kitchen.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wh-what's going on?" Stef questioned with her hand on her lip and Lena looked at us with a scowl.
"N-nothing. Jesus and I are just a little on edge. A-about everything that happened today. Amelia came in the kitchen but then just walked right out."
Lena let out a sigh and motioned all of us to sit down, "Where's Brandon?" she asked.
"I think he's in his room, I'll go get him love." Stef replied to Lena and gave her a kiss on the head.

With everybody gathered in the kitchen except for Ami, our moms looked like they were ready to cry, which scared me.
"Okay babies. Mama and I aren't going to go through the terrible details about the trial but it's clear that Amelia is in a very upset mood. And she has every right to, we just need to be there for her if she needs it, yes? And I-I mean it. Mariana you share a room with her so if she needs anything, we're counting on you to help her out and be there for her, like older sisters are, okay?" And my boys, if she just needs to talk, or a hug. You're there for her. Everybody understand?" Stef looked to all of us with eyes that screamed mama bear and we all nodded in response to her.

Lena then turned to Brandon, "B, did you, uh see her when she was upstairs?"
"No mama her door was closed."

Mama turned to mom with eyes welled with tears, "Sh-should we go upstairs and see her?"
Stef nodded and they both got up from their stools but before they went upstairs, they kissed each one of us on the cheek. Our moms never fail to make us feel loved, especially in a time of sadness.

(sorry for all of the different POV's lol :) )