when i was 13,
i fell in love for the first time,
and he cheated on me.
at 13 years old,
i already knew what it felt like
to have somebody decide i wasn't
good enough for them.
the damage it did
reeked havoc on my body and my mind
for years.
it is broken.
when i was 14,
my closest group of friends
abandoned me.
at 14 years old,
i already knew what it felt like
to have to rearrange my entire life
because nobody was left in my old one.
to this day,
i am always afraid of my friends
moving on from me.
it is broken.
when i was 15,
i broke up with a boy,
and he turned half of my grade against me.
at 15 years old,
i already knew what it felt like
to have a whole army of people
working to destroy you.
i am now so afraid
of hurting people's feelings
i struggle to stand up for myself.
it is broken.
when i was 16,
i loved a boy more than anything,
and he was emotionally abusive.
at 16 years old,
i already knew what it felt like
to have somebody gaslight me, manipulate me,
lie to me, and completely break me.
i now am stuck with a haunted memory,
and my trust issues need a crutch to walk with.
i find it hard to believe even the most honest people.
it is broken.
when i was 17,
i got into all my top colleges,
and i left that boy.
at 17 years old,
i already knew what it felt like
to have my life click into its rightful place
and to put myself first.
i attend my dream school now.
but the past four years,
they don't go away.
it is still broken.
i am 18,
and i am happy and in love,
but i am still broken.
at 18 years old,
i have triggers and scars, but also
a beautiful boy, a beautiful group of friends,
a beautiful university, and more.
i still have to write about them.
i can't push those years to the side
as if they didn't count.
it is still broken.
those years may have been hard,
they may have been painful,
but i learned from them.
i learned how to combat
the self-esteem issues
that i gained at 13.
i learned how to recognize
who is a true friend
after what happened at 14.
i learned how to stand
tall and push side the fear
of retribution i got at 15.
i learned how to see
past people's lies and masks
after who i loved at 16.
i learned how to appreciate
the great things that come from
the bad at 17.
and finally,
i am learning how to love
life and all of its parts,
both good and evil, at 18.
you see, i am still broken,
and i know i have more breaking
to do.
i will always be broken.
these parts of me aren't fixable,
i just got used to them.
-c.h.
~
i love this one! what do you think?
YOU ARE READING
how the words come
Poetry"this is the poetry that has come from finally realizing it is okay to be okay but also not okay at the same time." ~ 'how the words come' tells the story of overcoming the aftermath of an emotionally abusive relationship. the book is separated into...
