Forgotten Love (A Magnus Bane Love Story)

Twelve

It was like floating.

But it was falling at the same time.

Everything in me failed. My heart stopped, my mind shut down, and my body stopped its movement. My soul flew, and then fell, and then took a course of its own. I spiralled, not being able to stop myself in the madness I felt. I let myself open my mouth to scream. No sound came. I kept falling.

I heard Magnus' voice in my ear. "Andrea! Don't leave me! Please, I can't do this without you."

I wanted to go back. I wanted to fly my way back up there, walk up, pretend it never happened. I felt like I was about to cry, but the usual feeling of tears on my cheeks doesn't come. I couldn't feel anything in my body.

Magnus' voice came back. I cried out, but I couldn't hear my voice.

It seemed like an eternity later, but I opened my eyes. The light was shear white. I shielded my eyes, closed them for a second, then opened them again. Instantly, I scrambled back.

The man in front of me was Jonathan.

I sucked in a breath, slowly sitting up on whatever I was sitting on- it seemed to be a cot you'd find in a nurse's office. Jonathan stared at me with his rich, but simple eyes. They were swimming, maybe with happiness, maybe with grief, but I didn't know.

"You're..." I started.

"Jonathan Wildheart."

"I've never head such a weird name before," I said. "I've heard Lightwood, Herondale, Wayland, Morgenstern. But never Wildheart. It sounds like the name of a celebrity."

"The Wildhearts are a dying family. They die quickly, me for instance." He stared at me, his eyes softening even more than they had been before. "You're a Wildheart, my daughter," he murmured, taking a step to the cot. I didn't back away.

"Does this mean," I whispered. "That I'm dead?"

"You're not dead as of right now," Jonathan cooed, gently placing a hand on my arm. I looked at him, looking to find something familiar in him. Unfortunately, I couldn't. Nonetheless, he was comforting. I didn't mind not knowing him. For some reason, I just wanted to trust him. I wanted to believe I still had a parent that could help me, and not try to kill me.

"What do you mean?" I whispered.

"Your heart is still beating, just barely," Jonathan replied, staring into my eyes. I sighed, somewhat in relief. "Magnus is trying all he can to bring you back, but you're not responding right now because you're not ready to go yet. if you go now, your heart will stop, and you will die. But as you stay here, you get stronger and stronger. I want you to be strong when you come back."

When he finished his sentence, his hands were placed gently on my cheeks. I felt something dribble down my cheek, and I knew it was tears. Jonathan wiped them away.

"I'm your father," he murmured. "And when you were born, I-..." He broke off and looked away.

I gritted my teeth, but the word came out. "Daddy?"

He looked back up at me, chin quivering. I stared at him, his forever-early adult face staring back at me. "I promised to protect you, baby," he murmured. "And I will do anything to help you, even if it means letting you go again."

"Letting me go again?" I asked, confused. "You mean...when you died, you let go of me? Right?"

"Now," Jonathan shook his head. "Magnus Bane. He used to tell me every day to never trust a Faerie, even not a Faerie Queen. Especially not a Faerie Queen. But she was captivating to me. So I put my trust in her. I let my guard down, and kept our relationship secret. And we had you."

"What happened?"

"She started to answer my questions in circles. I asked Magnus for help, told him about you...but he said all he could do was keep an eye on you. So I told Seesilia to bring you to him."

I imagined Magnus as my father figure and scoffed. "You know what he is to me now, Dad."

"I do," he answered. Then he laughed a little. "I could only imagine..."

I laughed with him. Our laughter slowly died down together. "So...how can I go back?"

My father stared into my eyes, and then nodded slowly. "I will try to help you, but I don't know if you're strong enough."

I stared at him, then gently clasped his hand. "Help me. I'll be okay."

"If you're not okay, you'll die," he whispered. "You'll come straight back. And we won't be able to try again."

I bit my lip. "How much time until I die up there?"

My father pursed his lips. "Four minutes."

"There are things to loose and things to gain, Dad," I murmured. "But I'll be here with you if I failed. And I'll be up with Magnus if I don't. But I'll always remember you. Always, always, always."

My father collected me in a hug. It was gentle, but his arms were firm. A Shadowhunter at heart, I thought to myself.

"Stay strong, Andrea," he murmured.

"How do you know that name?" I asked, in wonder. He gently stroked my hair, his brown eyes staring at me in wonder.

"It was my second choice," he answered. "Awsten is a Welsh name. Your mother liked it. But I liked Andrea better. So, it was something of a name of endearment. Or guessing. Either one."

I smiled at him. the way he spoke...it was like watching myself act. He smiled back at me, giving me another hug before clasping my hands. They trembled in his, but I closed my eyes and concentrated. Magnus needed me. I needed to get back to him.

A small flare pain started in my stomach. I gasp, but Jonathan held me tighter. "Baby," eh said. "Concentrate. Concentrate."

I nodded my head vigorously, but something was going wrong. "Dad?" I whispered. "Daddy, it hurts."

"Andrea-?"

The pain intensified. I took another sharp breath.

"Andrea? Andrea! Listen to me. You were harmed by a Faerie weapon, weren't you?"

I ndoded again. My father's hands were sudden moist. "Andrea, focus on me. The odds of you living from this are very small. You need to concentrate to get back to Magnus, or you will be nothing, you hear me? No going back to me or Magnus. You'll die. So concentrate on my voice. You'll be able to, I know it."

I scowled, then my features evened out. "Daddy?" I asked.

He saw me. He saw that I would try anyway, as hard as I could. "Yes, baby?"

"What's nothing like?"

"You won't remember it." His voice was firm. "It's like before being conceived. Efveryone will know you're gone, but you won't even remembered when you were here." He clasped my hands harder. "So strong, baby. I love you."

"I love you, too," I murmured, and the feeling intensified. I let it consume me, knowing it would take me one of two places, to Magnus or to nothingness.

And when it consumed me, I knew where I was going. I could no longer feel warmness, I couldn't even feel myself.

Nothingness consumed me. My last thought as I fell away was quick, but not the one I would've saved for my last. I saw Magnus, my father, even Meliorn and Mason. But the last possible thing that ran through my mind before I fell was forgiveness. Towards her.

I love you, Mother, no matter what.