The World Is Ugly (But You're Beautiful to Me) | Completed

Chapter 20

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide and depression.

Final chapter, guys. I'm literally tearing up over this (I cried writing it already). We'll talk when you finish reading, enjoy 🖤

Oh, and I have to admit that I have no idea how showcases or auditions or whatever actually work, so this is probably highly inaccurate. But, hey, it's fiction, so does it really matter?

...

They were driving in silence, but Gerard could feel the nerves practically pouncing off Frank beside him in the passenger seat. They were going to the showcase, and Gerard tried his best to get Frank to loose some of his nerves with no luck. So he remained quiet since they got into the car.

The Smiths were playing at full volume from the stereo upon Frank's request, Morrissey's voice blaring and promising someone it'd be a heavenly way to die besides them if they crash into a double-decker bus. Gerard chuckled under his breath.

"What?"

Gerard hadn't paid attention he chuckled out loud expect when Frank asked. He looked at him momentarily before he got his eyes back to the road, Frank was smiling uncertainly at him.

"Well, it's just, you know," he gestured at the radio, "the song is just being, you know," he waved his arm vaguely in the general direction of whatever the song was being, hoping Frank would drop it.

"Being what?" Frank asked and lowered the music volume, looking at Gerard expectedly.

They stopped at a red light and Gerard could look properly at Frank beside him. He looked genuinely confused, not annoyed that Gerard was laughing at random stuff, but Gerard was still at loss of how to explain for a moment. He sighed and decided it wouldn't hurt to talk, maybe get Frank's mind off things a little.

"Well," he said and kicked the car in gear when the light turned green, "he's singing about this person who's attempting this stupid romantic clichéd comment about  how heavenly it would be to die with whoever with him in that car. It seems very light and given offhandedly, when he's clearly in a much darker place, possibly suicidal, and the comment just flies over people's head as this romantic delectation of love or whatever,"

"That's a dark way to think about it,"

Gerard hummed, trying not to glance at Frank's face, illuminated only by the street lights they were passing, "I suppose, but the lyrics are already dark, you know? The boy, or person or whatever, doesn't even wanna go home to, supposedly, his parents and he wants to see the world and get away. He just wants to run away. He's miserable and now is thinking about death while with his lover? Come on, it's clear how depressed he is,"

Frank was quiet for a second and Gerard wondered if he's rambled too much. They often talked about lyrics and music and how certain songs had hidden meanings, but he's never talked about something dark like that to Frank. He's always tended to see darker aspect of things, he knew that, but he never shared that with anyone before.

"Well, I don't think so," Frank finally spoke thoughtfully, "I think he's running away with that person because he loves and trusts them. He wouldn't have run away if he was really suicidal, he would've found a way to do it without running away," Frank paused for a second, "I think he ran away because he wanted help but was too scared to ask for it, or maybe he didn't realize he wanted it,"