The Grim Reaper Effect

-F O R T Y - F O U R-

Chapter 44: Happiness Means Sacrifice

"Mackenzie?"

I groaned, rolling over.

"Mackenzie, wake up."

I groaned again, pulling a pillow over my head.

Suddenly, I felt a gust of cool air hit me. I shivered, finally sitting up. My eyes opened to reveal Griffin standing there. My entire body went rigid. I hadn't intended to see him so soon. I wasn't planning on facing him anytime soon.

My eyes traveled around the room, trying to find an escape. That's when I noticed that the sun hadn't even come up yet. The sky was still dark. The moon's bright glow flooded into my room through the open window. At last, my gaze returned to Griffin. His face was full of scratches and bruises. Blood was dripping from his lip. Just when I began to panic, I noticed the woman next to him.

I practically felt my heart burst from my chest when I saw my grandma standing next to him. She rushed over to me, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I-"

"It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. I know you're blaming yourself for everything that happened, but it's not your fault," She glanced around, seemingly in a hurry. "I don't have much time. I love you."

"Grandma-" Before I could finish, she was out the window again. Griffin's body collapsed in front of me.

-*-

My eyes shot open. My heart was racing in my chest. Glancing at my window, I saw the sun was just beginning to rise. I relaxed, lying down again.

It was just a dream. I didn't know whether to classify it as a nightmare or not. It wasn't scary as much as it was sad and confusing. I had no idea why my grandmother was with Griffin. I tried not to dwell too long. Instead, I hopped out of bed and finally took a long, hot shower.

I stood there for a while, enjoying the feeling of hot water. It felt like ages since I got to truly enjoy the feeling of having hot water. It was something I had always taken for granted. After missing it for a couple days, I was reminded of just how many things I didn't pay much attention to before.

I wrapped my towel around me afterward and headed into my room. I froze in my tracks when I saw what was written on my window.

I'd do it again.

I felt a combination of emotions. They all flooded my senses at once. The difference today was that I could pick them apart and identify them now. I knew what I was feeling. After a night to myself and a quiet morning, I had time to clear my mind. The world around me wasn't spinning out of control anymore and I had time for myself. Everything just seemed to be lighter.

The dream started to make some sort of sense. I knew what I had to do. I was neck deep in fear, but I knew I had to fight it. It was time to stop trying to control everything surrounding me. I had to give away the wheel at some point and let someone else drive. I had to trust that Griffin wouldn't drive me off a cliff. The thought itself was almost too much to bear.

Almost.

The small part of me that was willing to hand over control was strong. As much as I tried to fight it, ultimately, it won. It was fighting harder than the rest of me. It was fighting to keep Griffin in my life. It wasn't something I didn't want. Griffin was something I couldn't have.

In a way, I understood why we couldn't be together. He was an impossibility. Too far out of my reach. He existed in a way I couldn't. No matter how many times I tried imagining us together, living a happy life, reality always won in the end. We were like flowers in a garden. I was the sunflower, desperately blooming towards the sky. He's a bluebell flower, growing, but not upwards. We couldn't be more different if we tried.